This mysterious power seemed also to subdue Fernow; as if spellbound,
his glance rested upon her face; he saw that she was waiting, waiting
for a farewell. It would cost him only one step, one single word; here
was involved an absence perhaps without return. Over Jane's features
flashed a triumphant glance--then all at once the professor's face grew
dark, every muscle was strained for an energetic resistance. Slowly, as
if step by step, he would withdraw from the influence of a demoniac
power, he tore his eyes from her face; his lips quivered as he set them
firmly together, to shut in any farewell word; his breast rose and fell
convulsively in an agonizing inward conflict; but the wounded pride of
the man held its ground before temptation. He turned to go; a bow,
cold, distant as that parting one upon the Ruènberg, and the door
closed behind him. He had kept his word!
Jane stood there like a statue; this was too much! She had humiliated
herself by waiting; she had waited all this time, and now she stood
there decided to offer her hand in reconciliation, ready to give and to
receive a last parting word; and this incredible self-mastery of hers
had been thus received! What then did this man wish? Did he demand
entreaties from her?
Entreaty? At the mere word, the whole nature of this young girl was
aroused to resistance and exasperation. To entreat was something she
could not do. Miss Forest, who so clearly tested, so calmly considered
all, never had occasion to lament a momentary enthusiasm nor to atone
for an error, because she never allowed herself to yield to impulse;
even in her childhood entreaty was something that had been impossible
to her. She had borne every punishment, but it was with an obstinacy
which chose to endure for long weeks, rather than allow the word
"forgive" to pass her lips; and Forest had discerned in the child too
much of his own nature to force her to anything he would himself regard
as a humiliation. The thought of entreaty flashed through Jane's soul,
only to be repelled with abhorrence. He wished no farewell; well then
he might go without it, into the field, to death, wherever he would.
And what had driven him to this? She knew now; the bitter satisfaction
with which he had heralded his ceasing to be any longer "a hero of the
pen," had betrayed it to her. That phrase had entered deep into this
man's soul; for weeks long it had tortured him; had become the goad
which had impelled him on to undertake something to which his strength
was not equal; and if he now succumbed, if he perished in the
undertaking, whose was the blame?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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