Searle sank again into his apathy, and on reaching the hotel I helped
him to get to bed. For the rest of the day he lay without motion or
sound and beyond reach of any appeal. The doctor, whom I had constantly
in attendance, was sure his end was near. He expressed great surprise
that he should have lasted so long; he must have been living for a
month on the very dregs of his strength. Toward evening, as I sat by his
bedside in the deepening dusk, he roused himself with a purpose I had
vaguely felt gathering beneath his stupor. “My cousin, my cousin,” he
said confusedly. “Is she here?” It was the first time he had spoken of
Miss Searle since our retreat from her brother’s house, and he continued
to ramble. “I was to have married her. What a dream! That day was like
a string of verses--rhymed hours. But the last verse is bad measure.
What’s the rhyme to ‘love’? _Above!_ Was she a simple woman, a kind sweet
woman? Or have I only dreamed it? She had the healing gift; her touch
would have cured my madness. I want you to do something. Write three
lines, three words: ‘Good-bye; remember me; be happy.’” And then after
a long pause: “It’s strange a person in my state should have a wish. Why
should one eat one’s breakfast the day one’s hanged? What a creature
is man! What a farce is life! Here I lie, worn down to a mere throbbing
fever-point; I breathe and nothing more, and yet I _desire!_ My desire
lives. If I could see her! Help me out with it and let me die.”
Half an hour later, at a venture, I dispatched by post a note to Miss
Searle: “_Your cousin is rapidly sinking. He asks to see you._” I was
conscious of a certain want of consideration in this act, since it would
bring her great trouble and yet no power to face the trouble; but out
of her distress I fondly hoped a sufficient force might be born. On the
following day my friend’s exhaustion had become so great that I began
to fear his intelligence altogether broken up. But toward evening he
briefly rallied, to maunder about many things, confounding in a sinister
jumble the memories of the past weeks and those of bygone years. “By the
way,” he said suddenly, “I’ve made no will. I haven’t much to bequeath.
Yet I have something.” He had been playing listlessly with a large
signet-ring on his left hand, which he now tried to draw off. “I leave
you this”--working it round and round vainly--“if you can get it off.
What enormous knuckles! There must be such knuckles in the mummies of
the Pharaohs. Well, when I’m gone--! No, I leave you something more
precious than gold--the sense of a great kindness. But I’ve a little
gold left. Bring me those trinkets.” I placed on the bed before him
several articles of jewellery, relics of early foppery: his watch
and chain, of great value, a locket and seal, some odds and ends
of goldsmith’s work. He trifled with them feebly for some moments,
murmuring various names and dates associated with them. At last, looking
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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