LORD GORING. I am of a very nervous disposition, especially in the morning. LORD CAVERSHAM. I don’t suppose there is the smallest chance of her accepting you. LORD GORING. I don’t know how the betting stands to-day. LORD CAVERSHAM. If she did accept you she would be the prettiest fool in England. LORD GORING. That is just what I should like to marry. A thoroughly sensible wife would reduce me to a condition of absolute idiocy in less than six months. LORD CAVERSHAM. You don’t deserve her, sir. LORD GORING. My dear father, if we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it. [_Enter_ MABEL CHILTERN.] MABEL CHILTERN. Oh! . . . How do you do, Lord Caversham? I hope Lady Caversham is quite well? LORD CAVERSHAM. Lady Caversham is as usual, as usual. LORD GORING. Good morning, Miss Mabel! MABEL CHILTERN. [_Taking no notice at all of_ LORD GORING, _and addressing herself exclusively to_ LORD CAVERSHAM.] And Lady Caversham’s bonnets . . . are they at all better? LORD CAVERSHAM. They have had a serious relapse, I am sorry to say. LORD GORING. Good morning, Miss Mabel! MABEL CHILTERN. [_To_ LORD CAVERSHAM.] I hope an operation will not be necessary. LORD CAVERSHAM. [_Smiling at her pertness_.] If it is, we shall have to give Lady Caversham a narcotic. Otherwise she would never consent to have a feather touched. LORD GORING. [_With increased emphasis_.] Good morning, Miss Mabel! MABEL CHILTERN. [_Turning round with feigned surprise_.] Oh, are you here? Of course you understand that after your breaking your appointment I am never going to speak to you again. LORD GORING. Oh, please don’t say such a thing. You are the one person in London I really like to have to listen to me. MABEL CHILTERN. Lord Goring, I never believe a single word that either you or I say to each other. LORD CAVERSHAM. You are quite right, my dear, quite right . . . as far as he is concerned, I mean. MABEL CHILTERN. Do you think you could possibly make your son behave a little better occasionally? Just as a change. LORD CAVERSHAM. I regret to say, Miss Chiltern, that I have no influence at all over my son. I wish I had. If I had, I know what I would make him do. MABEL CHILTERN. I am afraid that he has one of those terribly weak natures that are not susceptible to influence. LORD CAVERSHAM. He is very heartless, very heartless. LORD GORING. It seems to me that I am a little in the way here. MABEL CHILTERN. It is very good for you to be in the way, and to know what people say of you behind your back. LORD GORING. I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited. LORD CAVERSHAM. After that, my dear, I really must bid you good morning. MABEL CHILTERN. Oh! I hope you are not going to leave me all alone with Lord Goring? Especially at such an early hour in the day.