Grizel made no reply. She turned from the rose-bed, and passed along a
winding path which led round the herbaceous border to the slope of the
orchard beyond. It was a narrow path, too narrow for two to walk in
line, so that Martin, following, could not see her face. It was like
Grizel, he reflected, to have chosen that path at this moment. She
divined that he could speak more openly unseen.
"And even, Grizel, if I wrote in your painter's medium, my reds would
have no glow! One cannot give out what one does not possess. While I
am cold myself, how can I give out warmth? It is so long, Grizel, since
my heart was warm!"
A sigh floated back to his ears.
"_Pauvre_!" breathed the deep voice, but she did not turn her head; the
gleaming figure flitted before him down the darkening path.
"I flattered myself that I had made a brave pretence. It was a good
enough sham to delude the world, but You have found me out. Don't think
that I regret it--I am thankful to Heaven that _some one_ understands.
To be praised for what one knows to be false is a bitter pill.
Sometimes I wonder, shall I throw it all up? Settle down comfortably
into the rut, and--grow roses! I could grow good roses, Grizel; the
best of their kind. There would be no need to be ashamed."
In the twilight he saw her shake her head. A fold of the golden robe
escaped her hands, and trailed on the ground. They stooped together to
lift it up, and she smiled up at him with her sweet gay smile.
"But you couldn't, Martin; you couldn't do it! You might make a hundred
resolutions, but you'd begin again. There's no escape that way, dear
man. You must write, as you must breathe, therefore it follows that you
must get warm. Chills are depressing things, but they are dangerous
only when they are allowed to settle. This old house of yours has its
back to the sun."
"I can read your parable, Grizel, but circumstances--like houses--are
not easily turned round. Life has made chains for me from which I
cannot escape. Katrine--"
"I rather--suspect," interrupted Grizel drawling, "that Katrine's chains
are slackening! Some one, or something, has been supplying the oil.
Another creak or two and she will be breaking loose, and going off at a
tangent which will surprise your innocent mind!"
"Symbols again! I don't follow so easily this time, but if the signs
are good, I am uncommonly thankful. I can talk openly to you, Grizel,
for you won't misunderstand. Katrine is--on my mind! Perhaps it would
be more honest if I said on my _nerves_! I've a suspicion that I'm on
her nerves also, and the mischief of it is, that things are growing
worse. There's nothing definitely wrong, and yet there's--everything!
I feel an utter brute."
To his astonishment, to his relief, Grizel laughed; a blithe and
comfortable laugh. They had reached the summit of the orchard by this
time, and had paused to look down at the twinkling lights of the village
before turning back to the house.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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