In the end his disposition left the good cleric, like many another, much
puzzled. Was there anything of foolish pride or misanthropy in Gordon's
avoidance of society that would have welcomed him? Both his recorded
speech and his poems are without evidence of either. Those who remember
his taciturnity and little eccentricities also speak of his kindness of
heart, generosity and trustfulness of others. Did he ever complain that
he was oppressed and saddened by his self-chosen life in the Bush? We
have seen the high estimate he once gave of it; and Mr. Woods, who has
recorded many proofs of close observation of his friend, testifies that
the melancholy of his poems found little or no expression in his
conversation. Gordon may have been shy (as Marcus Clarke noted), but he
early formed a fairly accurate judgment of his literary powers. He said
'he was sure he would rise to the top of the tree in poetry, and that
the world should talk of him before he died.' Coming from one who was
far from being vain or boastful, the remark suggests hope and ambition.
But neither, it would seem from his colonial career, was ever more than
a passing mood with him. Why did he remain in obscurity during several
of the best years of his life, doing rough and dangerous work, when he
might have obtained some remunerative post in one of the cities? Why did
he marry a domestic servant--one who could never be an intellectual
companion for him?
It appears that he considered himself to have 'irretrievably lost
caste.' It is a fantastic idea, and could not have any justification in
a country where an Englishman of good manners and behaviour need never
want congenial society. Gordon was abnormally proud, independent and
sensitive: an unfortunate disposition for anyone who has his way to make
in an imperfect world. Such a man constantly misunderstands himself and
is misunderstood. He takes severe, unpractical views of his own
character and of life generally. Not necessarily morose or ungenial, he
is always apt to be thought so. Gordon's conclusion that he had lost
caste is a proof of supersensitiveness, and the deep effect produced
upon his temperament by the incidents of his youth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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