'That may be,' said my mother, with the quiet irony peculiar to her;
'but so monstrous are the customs of England, Henry, so barbaric is
this society you despise, that she, whose shoes no lady in the county
is worthy to unlace, is in an anomalous position. Should she once
again be seen talking familiarly with you, her character will have
fled, and fled for ever. It is for you to choose whether you are set
upon ruining her reputation.'
I felt that what she said was true. I felt also that Winifred herself
had recognised the net of conventions that kept us apart in spite of
that close and tender intimacy which had been the one great fact of
our lives. In a certain sense I was far more of a child of Nature
than Winifred herself, inasmuch as, owing to my remarkable childish
experience of isolation, I had imbibed a scepticism about the
sanctity of conventions such as is foreign to the nature of woman, be
she ever so unsophisticated, as Winifred's shyness towards me had
testified.
As a child I had been neglected for the firstborn, I had enjoyed
through this neglect an absolute freedom with regard to associating
with fisher-boys and all the shoeless, hatless 'sea-pups' of the
sands, and now, when the time had come to civilise me, my mother had
found that it was too late. I was bohemian to the core. My childish
intercourse with Winifred had been one of absolute equality, and I
could not now divest myself of this relation. These were my thoughts
as I listened to my mother's words.
My great fear now, however, was lest I should say something to
compromise myself, and so make matter worse. Before another word upon
the subject should pass between my mother and me I must see
Winifred--and then I had something to say to her which no power on
earth should prevent me from saying. So I merely told my mother that
there was much truth in what she had said, and proceeded to ask
particulars about my father's recent illness. After giving me these
particulars she left the room, perplexed, I thought, as to what had
been the result of her mission.
IV
I remained alone for some time. Then I told the servants that I was
going to walk along the cliffs to Dullingham Church, where there was
an evening service, and left the house. I hastened towards the
cliffs, and descended to the sands, in the hope that Winifred might
be roaming about there, but I walked all the way to Dullingham
without getting a glimpse of her. The church service did not interest
me that evening. I heard nothing and saw nothing. When the service
was over I returned along the sands, sauntering and lingering in the
hope that, late as it was now growing, the balmy evening might have
enticed her out.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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