But he had no time to waste, pulling props or contemplating ruin. He was
hurrying as fast as he could. He stacked a heap of gossamer costume on a
rickety chair, started off in answer to a plaintive cry, and then rushed
back just in time to keep the costume from tumbling down. “Teddy! Come
here a minute.” There was no time to say “please,” no time for anyone to
adopt the usual pretence that they were asking him and not ordering. He
put the costume down again, more firmly, and tore off in the direction
of the ladies’ dressing-room. Mrs. Saville-Sanders wanted to be pinned
up.
“Teddy!” That was Bob, at the other end of the stage. “I need some help
here.”
“Teddy! What in hell did you do with that foundation cream?”
“Teddy! Come and fix my eyebrows. I look like a ruin. What’s the
matter?”
“Teddy Madden, come and tell me where to put this jar. You stand out
there and look. Do you think so? No, I’m sure you’re wrong....”
“Ted, Gwen Saville-Sanders wants you to fix the flower that goes in her
hair. Hurry up, for God’s sake. She’s on a rampage.”
He dashed into the dressing-room again and Phyllis Parker snatched up a
wrapper and screamed. Startled, he paused and glanced at her. Her legs
were long and bare beneath the wrapper: she clutched it to her flat
bosom like Diana surprised in the bath, and glared at him.
“Oh, don’t be such a damn fool!” he snarled, overwhelmed by the
imbecility of it. “D’you think I have _time_....”
“Teddy! Teddee.. ee.. ee.” A maliciously long-drawn wail that set his
teeth on edge. He was dripping with sweat and his face was smeared with
dust and plaster. For a quarter of an hour the audience had been
clapping spasmodically, now someone had started them off on a slow,
ominous, steady applause that beat on his ears terrifyingly. Well, what
if they did get tired and go home? Of course they wouldn’t, but what if
they did? He would be glad. He wanted more than anything in the world to
go into a corner and sleep; if anyone called him he would show his teeth
like a rat. One more idiot yelling for him....
The stage director came in and held up his hand, spreading an area of
quiet through the crowd until it reached the outer corners.
“Silence! Silence! please. Everyone _must_ be more quiet. I was out in
the back, the very back, and I could hear you all the way out there.
Please be more careful, even if you are excited. Now then, is everyone
ready? Are all the props in place? Madden, have you looked it all over?
All right then. I’m going to give the signal.... Curtain!”
In the hush behind the scenes following the creaking of the curtain,
Teddy escaped and crept out into the audience through the side door. He
wiped his face and tried to relax, refusing to look about him, even at
the stage, until he should have regained his temper. The affair was well
under way when he allowed himself to look.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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