England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction
Mr. Porter coughed. “It’ll be all right,” he said, confidently. “Our
committee knows what it’s about; Bert Robinson is one of the best
speakers I’ve ever ’eard. If we don’t all get five bob a week more I’ll
eat my ’ead.”
“It’s the best thing you could do with it,” snapped his wife. She took
up her iron again, and turning an obstinate back to his remarks resumed
her work.
Mr. Porter lay long next morning, and, dressing with comfortable
slowness, noticed with pleasure that the sun was shining. Visions of a
good breakfast and a digestive pipe, followed by a walk in the fresh
air, passed before his eyes as he laced his boots. Whistling cheerfully
he went briskly downstairs.
It was an October morning, but despite the invigorating chill in the
air the kitchen-grate was cold and dull. Herring-bones and a disorderly
collection of dirty cups and platters graced the table. Perplexed and
angry, he looked around for his wife, and then, opening the back-door,
stood gaping with astonishment. The wife of his bosom, who should have
had a bright fire and a good breakfast waiting for him, was sitting on
a box in the sunshine, elbows on knees and puffing laboriously at a
cigarette.
“Susan!” he exclaimed.
Mrs. Porter turned, and, puffing out her lips, blew an immense volume
of smoke. “Halloa!” she said, carelessly.
“Wot—wot does this mean?” demanded her husband.
Mrs. Porter smiled with conscious pride. “I made it come out of my nose
just now,” she replied. “At least, some of it did, and I swallowed the
rest. Will it hurt me?”
“Where’s my breakfast?” inquired the other, hotly. “Why ain’t the
kitchen-fire alight? Wot do you think you’re doing of?”
“I’m not doing anything,” said his wife, with an aggrieved air. “I’m on
strike.”
Mr. Porter reeled against the door-post. “Wot!” he stammered. “On
strike? Nonsense! You can’t be.”
“O, yes, I can,” retorted Mrs. Porter, closing one eye and ministering
to it hastily with the corner of her apron. “Not ’aving no Bert
Robinson to do it for me, I made a little speech all to myself, and
here I am.”
She dropped her apron, replaced the cigarette, and, with her hands on
her plump knees, eyes him steadily.
“But—but this ain’t a factory,” objected the dismayed man; “and,
besides —I won’t ’ave it!”
Mrs. Porter laughed—a fat, comfortable laugh, but with a touch of
hardness in it.
“All right, mate,” she said, comfortably. “What are you out on strike
for?”
“Shorter hours and more money,” said Mr. Porter, glaring at her.
His wife nodded. “So am I,” she said. “I wonder who gets it first?”
She smiled agreeably at the bewildered Mr. Porter, and, extracting a
paper packet of cigarettes from her pocket, lit a fresh one at the stub
of the first.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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