Talbot's engagements are more elastic. By an easy readjustment of them
he might spare another seven days to his present quarters. It is true
that Lady Roupell has not as yet definitely asked him to prolong his
visit, but he knows that she is hardly aware whether he goes or stays;
and as to Freddy, he is always brimming over with an easy hospitality
which costs him nothing, and makes every one say what a good fellow he
is.
A whole week of absolute freedom, afternoons as well as mornings; a
whole week during which he need not pretend to be jealous--pretend to be
fond--pretend to be everything that he once was, and is not, and never
will be again! It is possible, too, that Jacob may have a relapse. In
that case, a whole week of mowing, of clipping edges, of picking
lavender, and gathering groundsel for the cage-birds! He knows that
there must always be eleven bits gathered, because there are eleven
birds, and she cannot bear one to be without. He smiles softly at this
tender-hearted puerility of hers.
And meanwhile, since she has made it clear to him that she does not
desire any more of his immediate company, he keeps himself away for two
whole days. What business has he, who can never claim any rights over
her, to expose her, by his assiduities, to the coarse gossip of a gaping
village?
But though his eye is not enriched by her, her presence and her words
are with him night and day. One of her sentences rings for ever in his
ears--'God gives us all a best, if we will only look for it.' Look for
it as he may, how can he find his best? and finding, how dare he take
hold of and make it his? His best! The best for him--does not it
apparently stare him in the face?
To shake off this chain that was once of flowers, and is now of cold
eating iron, and to walk the world a free man, free for honest work and
honest love. Ay, but to the riveting of that chain there went an oath,
from which the mere fact of his having grown tired of wearing its
fetters does not, in his opinion, release him. He is bound by an
engagement the more perversely sacred, because none can hold him to it.
Only by her with whom it was made can he be emancipated from it; and for
that emancipation how can he ask her? How can he go to her and say, 'I
have grown tired of you; I have grown fond of another woman. Let me go!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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