NEW BALLAD OF SIR PATRICK SPENS. The King sits in Dunfermline toun Drinking the blude-red wine: "O wha will rear me an equilateral triangle Upon a given straight line?" O up and spake an eldern knight, Sat at the King's right knee-- "Of a' the clerks by Granta side Sir Patrick bears the gree. "'Tis he was taught by the Tod-huntere Tho' not at the tod-hunting; Yet gif that he be given a line, He'll do as brave a thing." Our King has written a braid letter To Cambrigge or thereby, And there it found Sir Patrick Spens Evaluating PI. He hadna warked his quotient A point but barely three, There stepped to him a little foot-page And louted on his knee. The first word that Sir Patrick read, "_Plus_ x," was a' he said: The neist word that Sir Patrick read, 'Twas "_plus_ expenses paid." The last word that Sir Patrick read, The tear blinded his e'e: "The pound I most admire is not In Scottish currencie." Stately stepped he east the wa', And stately stepped he north: He fetched a compass frae his ha' And stood beside the Forth, Then gurly grew the waves o' Forth, And gurlier by-and-by-- "O never yet was sic a storm, Yet it isna sic as I!" Syne he has crost the Firth o' Forth Until Dunfermline toun; And tho' he came with a kittle wame Fu' low he louted doun. "A line, a line, a gude straight line, O King, purvey me quick! And see it be of thilka kind That's neither braid nor thick." "Nor thick nor braid?" King Jamie said, "I'll eat my gude hat-band If arra line as ye define Be found in our Scotland." "Tho' there be nane in a' thy rule, It sail be ruled by me;" And lichtly with his little pencil He's ruled the line A B. Stately stepped he east the wa', And stately stepped he west; "Ye touch the button," Sir Patrick said, "And I sall do the rest." And he has set his compass foot Untill the centre A, From A to B he's stretched it oot-- "Ye Scottish carles, give way!" Syne he has moved his compass foot Untill the centre B, From B to A he's stretched it oot, And drawn it viz-a-vee. The tane circle was BCD, And A C E the tither: "I rede ye well," Sir Patrick said, "They interseck ilk ither. "See here, and where they interseck-- To wit with yon point C-- Ye'll just obsairve that I conneck The twa points A and B. "And there ye have a little triangle As bonny as e'er was seen; The whilk is not isosceles, Nor yet it is scalene."