Before he got through with it, Simmy had worked himself into a state of
desperation. Regarding himself with unprejudiced eyes he saw that he was
not the sort of man a girl would choose for a husband unless he had
something besides a happy, loving disposition to offer. She would marry
him for his money, of course; certainly he would be the last to suspect
her of marrying him for his beauty. He had never thought of it in this
light before, and he was wet with the sweat of anguish. He could never be
sure! He could love a woman with all his heart and soul, and still never
be sure of her! Were all the girls he had loved in his college days—But
here he stopped. It was too terrible to even contemplate, this unmerited
popularity of his! If only one of them had been honest enough to make fun
of his ears, or to snicker when he became impassioned, or to smile
contemptuously from her superior height when he asked her to dance,—if
only one of them had turned her back upon him, then he would have grasped
the unwelcome truth about himself. But, now that he thought of it, not one
of them had ever turned a deaf ear to his cajoleries, not one had failed
to respond to his blandishments, not one had been sincere enough to frown
upon him when he tried to be witty. And that brought him to another
sickening standstill: was he as bright and clever and witty as people made
him out to be? Wasn't he a dreadful bore, a blithering ass, after all? He
felt himself turning cold to the marrow as he thought of the real value
that people placed upon him. He even tried to recall a single thing that
he had ever said that he could now, in sober judgment, regard as bright or
even fairly clever. He couldn't, so then, after all, it was quite clear
that he was tolerated because he had nothing but money.
Just as he was about to retire from his club where he had gone for solace,
an inspiration was born. It sent him forthwith to Anne Tresslyn's home,
dogged, determined and manfully disillusioned.
"Miss Tresslyn is very busy, Mr. Dodge," said Rawson, "but she says she
will see you, sir, if you will wait a few moments."
"I'll wait," said Simmy, and sat down.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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