Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Nature -- Fiction; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Fiction; Wales -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
The pine-tops bowed in as stately a manner as they had when Hazel
cried, 'I'll never be a woman!' They listened like grown-ups to the
prattle of a child. And the stars, like gods in silver armour sitting
afar in halls of black marble, seemed to hear and disdain the little
gnat-like voice, as they heard Vessons' defiant 'Never will I!' and
Mrs. Marston's woolly prayers, and Reddin's hoof-beats. All man's
desires--predatory, fugitive, or merely negative--wander away into
those dark halls, and are heard no more. Among the pillars of the night
is there One who listens and remembers, and judges the foolishness of
man, not by effects, but by motives? And does that One, in the majesty
of everlasting vitality and resistless peace, ever see how we run after
the painted butterflies of our desires and fall down the dark
precipice? And if He sees and hears the wavering, calamitous life of
all creatures, and especially of the most beautiful and the most
helpless, does He ever sigh and weep, as we do when we see a dead child
or a moth's wing impaled on a thorn?
Our heavy burden is that we cannot know. For all our tears and prayers
and weary dreaming, we cannot know.
Edward lay awake all night, and heard the first blackbird begin,
tentatively, his clear song--a song to bring tears by its golden
security of joy in a world where nothing is secure.
The old madness surged in upon Edward more strongly as the light
grew, and he tried to read the Gospel of St. John (his favourite),
but the words left no trace on his mind. Hazel was there, and like
a scarlet-berried rowan on the sky she held the gaze by the perfection
of the picture she made. The bent of Edward's mind and upbringing was
set against the rush of his wishes and of circumstance. She had said,
'The first that came,' and he was sure that in her state of dark
superstition she would hold by her vow. Suppose some other--some
farm-hand, who would never see the real Hazel--should have been thinking
over the matter, and should go to-day and should be the first? It was
just how things happened. And then his flower would be gone, and the
other man would never know it was a flower. He worked himself into such
a fever that he could not rest, but got up and went out into the lively
air, and saw the sun come lingeringly through aery meadows of pale
green and primrose. He saw the ice slip from the bright pointed lilac
buds, and sheep browsing the frosty grass, and going to and fro in the
unreserved way that animals have in the early hours before the
restraint of human society is imposed on them. He saw, yet noticed
nothing, until a long scarlet bar of cloud reminded him of Hazel by its
vividness, and he found a violet by the graveyard gate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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