Advertising -- Fiction; Bank employees -- Fiction; Labor unions -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Satire
Mr. Gwathmey sent a dozen designs for boards and the model of the
Ultimate Sandwich. It was really a beautiful piece of work. H. R.'s luck
was with him. The young Frenchman who did it came into his own years
later.
H. R. accepted them on official stationery of the society, ordered one
hundred of each size, and also asked that the designs of the
sandwich-boards be engraved in color. He told Barrett to get Valiquet's
written acceptance of his order.
On Sunday all the newspapers were impressively notified that there would
be some novel and revolutionary advertising on the Avenue. To insure
attention, the newspapers were simultaneously informed also that the
Fifth Avenue Merchants' Guild had decided to advertise more extensively
in the daily press. New York would give an object-lesson in optimism and
confidence to the rest of the country. This would allay all fears as to
the fundamental soundness of the general business situation. Wall Street
might be in the dumps, but the legitimate merchants, up to the full-page
size, were more truly representative of the metropolis.
Fleming had been told to detail himself, Mulligan, and the four most
typical sandwiches in the society to act as the advance-guard. He and
the five were at the office early Monday morning, so were the four
histrionic artists, so was Max Onthemaker with nineteen injunctions,
writs, and legal documents neatly typewritten, three process-servers,
and thirty copies of a statement for the newspapers.
Each sandwich-man received his board and a copy of his own speech. It
was a plea for equal rights and the cessation of hostilities against a
poor man simply because he had no money, a prayer for the enforcement of
the Constitution, and three quotations from that obsolete Book that
taught sandwich-men how to turn the other cheek. Also a post-Scriptural
assertion that each man went to church to pray and not to ask for
unearned bread or jump on Standard Oil.
Max himself made them memorize the speech. They were letter perfect
before he stopped.
"This will kill 'em dead," he said, enthusiastically. "Why, Mr. Rutgers,
even the newspapers will think they are Christians and--"
"Make them early Christians," wisely advised H. R. "Thats what the world
needs to-day!"
"You are right, as usual. Hey, you fellows, add, _If we must die, we die
forgiving our fellow-men in the knowledge that after death we shall come
into our own._"
"Hey, I ain't going to be killed just to--" began Mulligan, edging
toward the door.
"In the newspapers, ass! In the front page, imbecile!" shrieked Max.
Mulligan shook his head doggedly.
"Mulligan!" said H. R., and clenched his right fist.
"Ye-es, boss."
"I'll be there to see that you get the forty beers and I'll guarantee
that you'll have a chance to assuage your thirst _after_ business
hours."
"All right, boss," said Mulligan. "And I'll guarantee the thirst."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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