Hebrew Humor and Other EssaysChotzner, J. (Joseph)
History
Hebrew Humor and Other Essays
Chotzner, J. (Joseph)
Hebrew wit and humor -- History and criticism
“‘The glorious description given to me by the old woman of my future bride
caused my heart to beat loudly within me, and in answer I said that I
would willingly agree to pay the stipulated sum of two thousand ducats, if
I could only first obtain a glimpse of the lovely girl who was to be my
wife. But the woman hurried away, having assured me that my desire would
be fulfilled on the following day, when everything would also be ready for
the celebration of the marriage ceremony. Thereupon I went home in a most
agitated state and passed a sleepless night, looking forward to the happy
morning when I expected to meet my charming bride. Next day, at an early
hour, the old woman made her appearance, and told me, with a beaming face,
that my future father-in-law would soon be here to give his consent to the
wedding. And hardly had she said so, when the door of my room opened, and
my future father-in-law came in, accompanied by several elders of the
community, whom he addressed as follows:—“Brethren and friends, this young
man here, who is well off and belongs to a good family, is desirous of
marrying my daughter, and of assigning to her a dowry of two thousand
ducats. Be ye now witnesses that I fully consent to this proposed
marriage, and that I readily accept the amount of the dowry which he has
promised to pay for the privilege of enjoying the advantage of our near
relationship.”
“‘I was about to remonstrate against these proceedings, when the marriage
contract was quickly thrust into my hands which, after some hesitation, I
duly signed and handed over to the notary who was present. Thereupon the
preparations were soon made for the wedding ceremony and its subsequent
feast, which were to take place in the evening of that very day. When it
got dark the wedding guests arrived, and brought with them the fair maiden
that was to become my lawful wife. Her face was covered with a thick veil,
and thus standing close to me, the wedding ceremony was solemnized in the
usual way. Then the feasting and merry-making began, and lasted for some
time. But gradually the crowd of the wedding guests disappeared, and when
I was left alone with my wife, I blushingly spoke to her for the first
time the following tender words: “Oh, thou fairest of women, remove the
veil from thy sweet face, that I may behold and admire the beautiful eyes
which shine like the stars in a cloudless sky.” She removed her veil; then
lo, and behold, what an awakening! The female that stood there before me
was not a fair maiden with softly shining eyes, but rather a monster in
female guise, who had a fierce and threatening look about her, and filled
me with feelings of horror and consternation. Presently recovering from my
shock, I asked my wife whether she had any trinkets and jewels, costly
robes, and precious shawls that had been given to her by her father as a
dowry. In a husky voice she answered: “I have assuredly left a large
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