I made no sound; I did not speak; my eyes passed quickly from the
panorama of town and sea to a flock of mountain sheep that nibbled
the patches of coarse grass not far away. The feeling that something
invisible yet conscious approached us from the empty spaces of the
afternoon became a certainty. My spirit lifted. There was a new and
vital relationship between my inner nature, so to speak, and my
material environment. My nerves were quivering, the sense of beauty
remained, but my questioning wonder changed to awe. Somewhere about me
on that bare hill-side Nature had become aggressively alive.
Yet no one of my senses in particular conveyed the great impression;
it seemed wrought of them all in combination--a large, synthetic,
universal report sent forth by the natural things about me. Some
flooding energy, like a tide of unknown power, rose through my body.
But my brain was clear. One by one I ticked off the different senses;
it was neither sight, smell, touch, nor hearing that was individually
affected. There was vague uneasiness, it seems, as well, for I sought
instinctively what was of commonplace import in the landscape. I stared
at the group of nibbling sheep. My sight wandered to the larches on
my right, some thirty yards away. Next, seeking things more humanly
comforting still, I fixed my gaze upon my nailed and muddy boots.
At the same moment Julius became suddenly alert. He sat erect.
The change in his attitude startled me; he seemed intent upon something
in the nearer landscape that escaped me. He, like myself, was aware
that other life approached; he shared my strange emotion of delight
and power; but in him was no uneasiness, for whereas I questioned
nervously, he _knew_ with joy. Yet he was doing nothing definite, so
far as I could see. The change of attitude resulted in no act. His
face, however, was so intense, so animated, that I understood it was
the touch of his mind that had reached my own so stimulatingly, and
that what was coming--came through him. His eyes were fixed, I saw,
upon the little grove of larches.
I made no movement, but watched the larches and his face alternately.
And what I can only call the childhood mood of make-believe enormously
increased. It extended, however, far beyond the child’s domain; it
seemed all-potent, irresistibly imperative. By the mere effort of my
will I could--create. Some power in me hidden, lost, unused, seemed
trying to assert itself. I merely had to say “Let there be a ball
before me in the air,” and by the simple fiat of this power it must
appear. I had only to will the heather at my feet to move, and it must
move--as though, in the act of willing, some intense, intermolecular
energy were set free. There was almost the sense that I had this power
in me now--that I had certainly once known how to use it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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