Feminist fiction, Australian; Sex role -- Fiction; Short stories, Australian; Women -- Fiction
"No, you must listen without touching me. I shall go back to the
window. I don't want to influence you a bit by any personal magnetism
I possess; I want you to listen. I have told you he divorced me. The
co-respondent was an old friend, a friend of my childhood, of my
girlhood. He died just after the first application was made, luckily
for me; he would have considered my honor before my happiness. _I_
did not defend the case; it wasn't likely--ah, if you knew all! He
proved his case, given clever counsel, willing witnesses to whom you
make it worth while, and no defence, divorce is always attainable
even in England. But remember, I figure as an adulteress in every
English-speaking paper. If you buy last week's evening papers--do you
remember the day I was in town?" I nod. "You will see a sketch of me
in that day's; some one, perhaps he, must have given it; it was from
an old photograph. I bought one at Victoria as I came out; it is funny
[with an hysterical laugh] to buy a caricature of one's own poor face
at a news-stall. Yet in spite of that I have felt glad. The point for
you is that I made no defence to the world; and [with a lifting of her
head] I will make no apology, no explanation, no denial to you, now
nor ever. I am very desolate, and your attention came very warm to me;
but I don't love you. Perhaps I could learn to [with a rush of color]
for what you have said to-night; and it is because of that I tell you
to weigh what this means. Later, when your care for me will grow into
habit, you may chafe at my past; it is from that I would save you."
I hold out my hands, and she comes and puts them aside, and takes me
by the beard and turns up my face and scans it earnestly. She must
have been deceived a good deal. I let her do as she pleases; it is the
wisest way with women, and it is good to have her touch me in that way.
She seems satisfied. She stands leaning against the arm of the chair
and says,--
"I must learn first to think of myself as a free woman again; it almost
seems wrong to-day to talk like this. Can you understand that feeling?"
I nod assent.
"Next time I must be sure, and you must be sure," she lays her fingers
on my mouth as I am about to protest, "S-sh! You shall have a year to
think; if you repeat then what you have said to-day, I shall give you
your answer. You must not try to find me; I have money. If I am living
I will come here to you; if I am dead you will be told of it. In the
year between I shall look upon myself as belonging to you, and render
an account if you wish of every hour. You will not be influenced by me
in any way, and you will be able to reason it out calmly. If you think
better of it, don't come."
I feel there would be no use trying to move her; I simply kiss her
hands and say,--
"As you will, dear woman; I shall be here."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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