To His Eminence the High Priest of Baal, beloved of the Lord and the Devil, Grand High Potentate of the Knights of Kadish, Beloved Minister of the Holy of Holies, the sacred Grove of Asherah. Behold the Great King Solomon, Lord of the Earth and the Sea, Patron of God Almighty, Imperial Potentate of the Imperial Divan of Ashtoreth, Grand High Mucky-Muck and Past Grand Master of the Phallic Cult. Sends Greeting. And doth herein represent that he hasn’t a thing in the way of nice girls, only but just a thousand old hens that were passé in three days after their respective inauspicious arrivals, and the heart of the Great King doth yearn for a vision of youth and beauty from the corn fields of Bethlehem. If thou wouldst save the King’s life, get a move on and corral a fair virgin, with golden hair and eyes of blue, for verily a brunette doth make the King tired. The King recommendeth thee to bring the fair one to the back door of the palace, at the entering-in of the woodshed, for behold the thousand old hens have two thousand eyes, and each eye is jealous of your unhappy Solomon. Verily, they are determined that we shall not have a thing that is fresh and fair to look upon. They are a lot of old cats, and we pray thee to promulgate a feast to Moloch and Baal, and announce to the multitude that seven hundred back-number princesses and three hundred fat old concubines have been devoted, and will be passed through the fire to Moloch and Baal, and will be basted and roasted to a turn and served to the people with the gravy oozing out. May the blessings of the Great Gods Ashtoreth, Chemoth and Baal be with thee and thine. Yours fraternally, SOLOMON. One night King Solomon, together with his two old cronies, Hiram of Tyre and Hiram Abiff, went a-hunting in Jerusalem, which at that period was a noted sporting resort, abounding in all kinds of game. At length they caught a coon near the North Gate, at the high place of Asher, where were worshipped the images of the male, and took her to the king’s palace. She says (Sol. Song, 1-4): “The King hath brought me into his chambers.” Having reached the King’s apartments, Solomon said to Hiram of Tyre: “Wouldst thy Majesty kindly rush the duck? Thou wilt find the can behind the throne. And thou Abiff, wilt thou be so good as to go out in the woodshed and play tag with thyself for a season and half a season, while I pass the salve to this colored lady?”