Death -- Fiction; Friendship -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women novelists -- Fiction
“Oh, she did.” Miss Howe laughed. “Have you ever seen her in a temper? I
have. I was a fool. I told her one day (you know how things come up)
just something of the gossip about Kent and her. I thought it only kind.
But you should have heard her. She was as healthily furious as a
schoolgirl. That was so comfortable about Madala. She hadn’t that
terrible aloofness of really big people. She didn’t withdraw into
dignity. She just stormed.” Miss Howe laughed again. “I can see her now,
raging up and down the room—‘Do you mean to say that people——? I never
heard of anything so monstrous! What has it got to do with them? Why
can’t they leave me alone? I’ve never done them any harm. I wouldn’t
have believed it, pretending they liked me, and letting me be friends
with them, and then saying hateful things behind my back. I’ll never
speak to them again—never! That they should go about twisting things—Why
can’t they mind their own business? And dragging in Kent like that! Oh,
it does make me so wild!’ ‘Oh, well, my dear,’ I said to her, ‘when two
people see as much of each other as you and Kent do, there’s bound to be
talk.’ At that she swung round on me. ‘But he’s my _friend_,’ she said.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘that’s just it.’ ‘But I’m not expected to marry everyone
I’m fond of!’ ‘Are you fond of him, Madala?’ I asked her. ‘Yes,’ she
said directly, ‘I am. I’m awfully fond of him. I’d do anything for him,
bless his heart!’ ‘Well,’ I said, ‘you needn’t be so upset. That’s all
that people mean. If you’re fond of him and he—he’s obviously in love
with you——’ But at that she caught me up in her quick way—‘In love? Oh,
you don’t understand him. Nobody understands Kent. He doesn’t understand
himself. Dear old Kent!’ Then she began walking up and down the room
again, but more quietly, and talking, half to herself, as if she had
forgotten I was there, justifying herself, justifying him. ‘Dear old
Kent! Poor old Kent! I’m awfully fond of Kent. So is he of me. But not
in the right way. He’s got, when he happens to think of it, a great
romantic idea of the woman he wants, of the wife he wants; but the truth
is, you know, that he doesn’t want a wife. He wants a mother, and a
sister, and a—a lover. A true lover. A patienter woman than I am. A
woman who’ll delight in him for his own sake, not for what he gives her.
A woman who’ll put him first and be content to come second with him.
He’ll always put his work first. He can’t help it. He’s an artist. Oh,
not _content_. I didn’t mean that. She must be too big for that—big
enough to know what she misses. But a wise woman, such a loving, hungry
woman. ‘Half a loaf,’ she’ll say to herself. But she’ll never have to
let him hear. He’s chivalrous. He’d be horrified at giving her half a
loaf. He’d say—“All or nothing!” But he couldn’t give her all. He
couldn’t spare it. So he’d give her nothing out of sheer respect for
her. That’s Kent. He’s got his dear queer theories of life—oh, they’re
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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