On my return to the kitchen I found the sick nun sitting as we left her.
She asked me, by signs, if we were alone. I told her she need not fear
to speak, for the Superior was two flights of stairs above, and no one
else was near. "Are they all away?" she whispered. I assured her that
we were quite alone, that she had nothing to fear. She then informed me
that she had been nine days under punishment, that when taken from the
cell she could not stand or speak, and she was still too weak to walk
without assistance. "O!" said she, and the big tears rolled over her
cheeks as she said it, "I have not a friend in the world. You do not
know how my heart longs for love, for sympathy and kindness." I asked if
she had not parents, or friends, in the world. She replied, "I was born
in this convent, and know no world but this. You see," she continued,
with a sad smile, "what kind of friends I have here. O, if I HAD A
FRIEND, if I could feel that one human being cares for me, I should get
better. But it is so long since I heard a kind word--" a sob choked her
utterance. I told her I would be a friend to her as far as I could. She
thanked me; said she was well aware of the difficulties that lay in my
way, for every expression of sympathy or kind feeling between the nuns
was strictly forbidden, and if caught in anything of the kind a severe
correction would follow. "But," said she "if you will give me a kind
look sometimes, whenever you can do so with safety, it will be worth a
great deal to me. You do not know the value of a kind look to a breaking
heart."
She wept so bitterly, I feared it would injure her health, and to divert
her mind, I told her where I was born; spoke of my childhood, and of
my life at the White Nunnery. She wiped away her tears, and replied, "I
know all about it. I have heard the priests talk about you, and they say
that your father is yet living, that your mother was a firm protestant,
and that it will be hard for them to beat Catholicism into you. But I
do not know how you came in that nunnery. Who put you there?" I told her
that I was placed there by my father, when only six years old. "Is
it possible?" she exclaimed, and then added passionately, "Curse your
father for it." After a moments silence, she continued, "Yes, child;
you have indeed cause to curse your father, and the day when you first
entered the convent; but you do not suffer as much as you would if you
had been born here, and were entirely dependent on them. They fear
that your friends may sometime look after you; and, in case they are
compelled to grant them an interview, they would wish them to find you
in good health and contented; but if you had no influential friends
outside the convent, you would find yourself much worse off than you are
now."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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