Women -- Social conditions -- 19th century -- Fiction
The day came, it was the second of June, when every preliminary was
accomplished. She had signed away all that she possessed--she had done
it with a smile--and her voice was unfaltering. The sum which she had
saved for herself consisted of but a few hundred pounds, on which she
was to subsist for the future. Again she enforced his pledge of secrecy
on Mr. Gayland; and glad that all was over, yet heavy at heart in spite
of her gladness, she returned to her home, which in a few hours she was
to quit for ever.
During all this time, her thoughts had seldom reverted to Saville. Hope
was dead, and the regrets of love had vanished with it. That he would
approve her conduct, was an idea that now and then flashed across her
mind; but he would remain in eternal ignorance, and therefore it could
not bring their thoughts into any communion. Whether he came to England,
or remained at Naples, availed her nothing. No circumstance could add
to, or diminish, the insuperable barrier which his marriage placed
between them.
She returned home from her last interview with Mr. Gayland: it was four
o'clock in the day; at six she had appointed Fanny Derham to call on
her; and an hour afterwards, the horses were ordered to be at the door,
which were to convey her away.
She became strangely agitated. She took herself to task for her
weakness; but every moment disturbed yet more the calm she was so
anxious to attain. She walked through the rooms of the house she had
dwelt in for so many years. She looked on the scene presented from her
windows. The drive in Hyde Park was beginning to fill with carriages and
equestrians, to be thronged with her friends whom she was never again to
see. Deep sadness crept over her mind. Her uncontrollable thoughts, by
some association of ideas, which she could not disentangle--brought
before her the image of Lodore, with more vividness than it had possessed
for years. A kind of wish to cross the Atlantic, and to visit the scenes
where he had dwelt so long, arose within her; and then again she felt a
desire to visit Longfield, and to view the spot in which his mortal
remains were laid. As her imagination pictured the grave of the husband
of her youth, whom she had abandoned and forgotten, tears streamed from
her eyes--the first she had shed, even in idea, beside it. "It is not to
atone--for surely I was not guilty towards him"--such were Lady Lodore's
reflections,--"yet, methinks, in this crisis of my fate, when about to
imitate his abrupt and miserable act of self-banishment, my heart yearns
for some communication with him; and it seems to me as if, approaching
his cold, silent dust, he would hear me if I said, 'Be at peace! your
child is happy through my means!"'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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