With the pride of a proud man once deceived, he had barred his heart
against womankind, resolving that no second defeat should oppress him
with that distrust of self and others, which is harder for a generous
nature to bear, than the pain of its own wound. He had yet to learn that
the shadow of love suggests its light, and that they who have been
cheated of the food, without which none can truly live, long for it with
redoubled hunger. Of late he had been discovering this, for a
craving, stronger than his own strong will, possessed him. He tried to
disbelieve and silence it; attacked it with reason, starved it with
neglect, and chilled it with contempt. But when he fancied it was dead,
the longing rose again, and with a clamorous cry, undid his work. For
the first time, this free spirit felt the master's hand, confessed a
need its own power could not supply, and saw that no man can live alone
on even the highest aspirations without suffering for the vital warmth
of the affections. A month ago he would have disdained the hope that now
was so dear to him. But imperceptibly the influences of domestic life
had tamed and won him. Solitude looked barren, vagrancy had lost its
charm; his life seemed cold and bare, for, though devoted to noble aims,
it was wanting in the social sacrifices, cares, and joys, that foster
charity, and sweeten character. An impetuous desire to enjoy the rich
experience which did so much for others, came over him to-night as it
had often done while sharing the delights of this home, where he had
made so long a pause. But with the desire came a memory that restrained
him better than his promise. He saw what others had not yet discovered,
and obeying the code of honor which governs a true gentleman, loved his
friend better than himself and held his peace.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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