He was no longer capable of starting democratic ideas in Obrzydłówek,
though for no better purpose than that of passing the time. He had
intended at first to exchange visits with the butcher, but now he
would not have done it at any price. If he talked, he preferred that
it should be to people with at least a pretence to education. Not only
had his energy given out, but also all respect for broader ideas. The
wide horizon which once the idealist's eyes could hardly perceive had
dwindled down to a small circle, measurable with the toe of a boot.
When he had read socialistic articles during the first stages of his
moral decay, it had been with bitterness and envy, alternating with
the caution of a man who has a certain amount of experience in these
matters. Gradually he came to reading them with distrust, then with
contempt, and at last he could not conceive why he had ever troubled
himself about these ideas which had become absolutely indifferent to
him. The longing to make himself into a centre for intellectual life
was far from him. He doctored according to routine methods, and
succeeded in working up a fairly good practice with the maxim: "Pay me
and take yourself off!" His loneliness and the boredom of Obrzydłówek
had become familiar to him.
And yet, in spite of everything, at this moment when he sat drumming
with his fingers on the table, "metaphysics" had taken hold of him
again. Already towards the end of the sixteen hours during which he
had been celebrating the priest's name-day by playing whist, he had
begun to feel uncomfortable. This was due to the chemist's beginning
to talk atheism. Dr. Obarecki knew the hidden reason for this sudden
assault on the priest's feelings quite well.
He foresaw that it was meant to be a prelude to a friendship between
him and the chemist for the purpose of joining hands in a common
utilitarian aim. One would write prescriptions a yard long, and the
other exploit the situation. Possibly the chemist would soon pay him a
visit and make an open proposal for such a partnership, and the doctor
foresaw that he would not have the strength of mind to kick him out.
He did not know what reasons to give for the refusal. The course that
the interview would take would be this: The chemist would touch on the
matter gradually, skilfully, referring to the doctor's need of capital
as the cause of his being in difficulties, then bring the conversation
round to Obrzydłówek affairs, and point out how much they would
benefit the community by joining hands; and the end would be their
paddling in the mire together.
Supposing the partnership existed? What then...?
His heart overflowed with bitterness. What had happened? How could he
have gone so far? Why did he not tear himself out of the mire? He was
an idler, a dreamer, corrupting his own mind--a horrible caricature of
himself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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