While he was in this frame of mind some one sent him a German paper that
was the organ of an obscure artistic group. In this journal,
insignificantly printed, was a flattering reference to Dudley. He was
called one of the leaders of a new movement in America. He read the
article twice and was ashamed of the elation it afforded him. He could
not admit his deep satisfaction in such a remote triumph. With a sense
of release, he indulged to the full the vindictiveness of his emotions
toward his own countrymen--those who were fond of dismissing him as
merely one of the younger painters of misguided promise.
However, the praise from men as unrecognized as himself encouraged his
defiance to such a point that he resumed work on a canvas which he had
thrown aside. His own efforts intoxicated him. He refused to doubt
himself. Life once more had the inevitability of sleep. He knew that he
was living in a dream and only asked that he should not be disturbed.
He needed to run away from the suggestion of familiar things. He decided
to go abroad again and wrote to borrow money of his father. Dudley made
up his mind to avoid Paris where, as he expressed it, the professional
artist was rampant. He wanted to visit the birthplace of a Huguenot
ancestor who had suffered martyrdom for his religion. It stimulated him
to think of himself as the last of a line whose representatives had,
from time to time, been crucified for their beliefs.
* * * * *
Two endless streams of people moved, particolored, in opposite
directions along the narrow street. The high stone buildings were tinged
with the red of the low sunshine. Hundreds of windows, far up, catching
the glare, twinkled with the harsh fixity of gorgon's eyes. Beyond
everything floated the pale brilliant September sky overcast by the
broad rays which stretched upward from the invisible sun.
Julia, returning from the laboratory, hesitated at a crowded corner and
found Dudley beside her.
"This is pleasant, Julia. I've been wanting to see you and Laurence
Farley. I'm sailing for Europe next week, and I should have been very
much disappointed if I had been obliged to go off without meeting you
again." He tried to speak easily while he looked at her with an
expression of reproach. Julia smiled and held out her hand. There was a
defensive light in her eyes which he interpreted as a symptom of
dislike. He wanted to convince himself that every one, even she, was
completely alienated from him. All that fed his pain strengthened his
vacillating egotism.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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