Night watches [complete]Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Night watches [complete]
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
Humorous stories; Short stories
“We're just off on business,” ses Ginger.
“I wasn't going to stop,” ses the nevy; “my young lady just told me to
step along and show uncle wot she has bought me. A silver watch and
chain and a gold ring. Look at it!”
He held his 'and under Ginger's nose, and Ginger stood there looking at
it and opening and shutting 'is mouth like a dying fish. Then he took
Peter by the arm and led 'im away while the nevy was opening 'is new
watch and showing Sam the works.
“'Ow much did she get out of _you_, Peter?” ses Ginger, looking at 'im
very hard. “I don't want any lies.”
“Three quid,” ses Peter, staring at 'im.
“Same 'ere,” ses Ginger, grinding his teeth. “Did she give you a smack
on the side of your face?”
“Wot—are—you—talking about, Ginger?” ses Peter.
“Did she smack your face _too_?” ses Ginger.
“Yes,” ses Peter.
HIS OTHER SELF
They're as like as two peas, him and 'is brother,” said the
night-watchman, gazing blandly at the indignant face of the lighterman
on the barge below; “and the on'y way I know this one is Sam is because
Bill don't use bad langwidge. Twins they are, but the likeness is only
outside; Bill's 'art is as white as snow.”
He cut off a plug of tobacco, and, placing it in his cheek, waited
expectantly.
“White as snow,” he repeated.
“That's me,” said the lighterman, as he pushed his unwieldy craft from
the jetty. “I'll tell Sam your opinion of 'im. So long.”
The watchman went a shade redder than usual. That's twins all over, he
said, sourly, always deceiving people. It's Bill arter all, and, instead
of hurting 'is feelings, I've just been flattering of 'im up.
It ain't the fust time I've 'ad trouble over a likeness. I've been a
twin myself in a manner o' speaking. It didn't last long, but it lasted
long enough for me to always be sorry for twins, and to make a lot of
allowance for them. It must be very 'ard to have another man going about
with your face on 'is shoulders, and getting it into trouble.
It was a year or two ago now. I was sitting one evening at the gate,
smoking a pipe and looking at a newspaper I 'ad found in the office,
when I see a gentleman coming along from the swing-bridge. Well-dressed,
clean-shaved chap 'e was, smoking a cigarette. He was walking slow and
looking about 'im casual-like, until his eyes fell on me, when he gave a
perfect jump of surprise, and, arter looking at me very 'ard, walked on
a little way and then turned back. He did it twice, and I was just going
to say something to 'im, something that I 'ad been getting ready for
'im, when he spoke to me.
“Good evening,” he ses.
“Good evening,” I ses, folding the paper over and looking at 'im rather
severe.
“I hope you'll excuse me staring,” he ses, very perlite; “but I've never
seen such a face and figger as yours in all my life—never.”
“Ah, you ought to ha' seen me a few years ago,” I ses. “I'm like
everybody else—I'm getting on.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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