American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American -- Periodicals
Emmanuel waited in the doorway. Someone would come out. Someone always
did. Then, together, it would be easier to face the street, talking in
fast, loud sentences to shut out the song. He peered into the building.
Yes, someone was approaching. Luck! He knew the man, one of his
classmates. He knew, also, that he would not be considered welcome by
the other. But that didn’t matter. Anything rather than walk alone....
“Are you going to the Subway?” He tried to conceal his anxiety,
desperately forcing the question to be casual.
“Why ... yes!” Not cordial, just as Emmanuel had expected. They thought
him queer.... Well.... The main thing was that he’d not have to walk to
the subway alone. Blocks and blocks.
“Anything happen in the psychiatry class? I cut it, you know.” Had to
make conversation! Oh, anything.... The street....
“No. Nothing much. Old man Hedley gassed some more about
maniac-depressives. Usual stuff.”
Hedley ... that was the professor ... maniac-depressives ... oh, yes,
maniac-depressives.... (Was that somebody laughing up in that window,
behind those flowers? A girl) ... maniac....
“He ... he didn’t.... (A girl! Her body can’t be seen, but she must have
white shoulders, smiling through the transparent crimson shawl!) ... let
me see ... oh, yes ... he didn’t say when those paranoia reports are
due?”
“No.”
“He didn’t! That’s funny!” Emmanuel began to laugh softly. He could
feel, without actually seeing it, that the other threw him a questioning
troubled glance from the corner of his eye. That made him laugh more.
The fool! He didn’t know that the laughter belonged to the girl behind
the flowers, to the girl who must have silken eyes and a soft throat.
“Well, I guess I’ll cut to-morrow again.”
“Yes?” Without interest.
“Yes!” A warmth came over Emmanuel. He felt himself getting angry, at
what he didn’t know. “Yes! I’ll cut it as many times as I damn feel like
it. See?” He realized that this required an explanation. “I’m no good
at the stuff. I don’t want to be good at it. I’ll never be a doctor. I
hate the thought of ever being a doctor.”
“Then why did you come to the school?” In spite of himself the man was
compelled to ask. He was amazed at the fury in Emmanuel’s words. “Why
did you take up medicine?”
“Why? What the hell do you ask me that for? Don’t you know?” Emmanuel
wasn’t listening to himself. The questions had come out of his mouth
almost automatically. This was not his only conversation of the kind.
Just now he was paying attention to the piano that was being played in a
house up the street. “No, I guess you can’t know,” his mouth continued.
“You’re not a Jew.”
“What has that to do with it?”
A wailing chord ... was there some regret in that music? Who played it?
Another girl? One with seeking eyes?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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