OrientationsMaugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset)
General
Orientations
Maugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset)
Fiction; Short stories, English
'No surgeon can help me, Brother Jasper. It is cancer, the Crab--it is
the way that God has sent to call me to Himself.'
Then the prior began to suffer the agonies of the disease, terrible
pains shot through his head and neck; he could not swallow. It was a
slow starvation; the torment kept him awake through night after night,
and only occasionally his very exhaustion gave him a little relief so
that he slept. Thinner and thinner he became, and his whole mouth was
turned into a putrid, horrible sore. But yet he never murmured. Brother
Jasper knelt by his bed, looking at him pitifully.
'How can you suffer it all? What have you done that God should give you
this? Was it not enough that you were blind?'
'Ah, I saw such beautiful things after I became blind--all heaven
appeared before me.'
'It is unjust--unjust!'
'My son, all is just.'
'You drive me mad!... Do you still believe in the merciful goodness of
God?'
A beautiful smile broke through the pain on the old man's face.
'I still believe in the merciful goodness of God!'
There was a silence. Brother Jasper buried his face in his hands and
thought brokenheartedly of his own affliction. How happy he could be if
he had that faith.... But the silence in the room was more than the
silence of people who did not speak. Jasper looked up suddenly.
The prior was dead.
Then the monk bent over the body and looked at the face into the opaque
white eyes; there was no difference, the flesh was warm--everything was
just the same, and yet ... and yet he was dead. What did they mean by
saying the soul had fled? What had happened? Jasper understood nothing
of it. And afterwards, before the funeral, when he looked at the corpse
again, and it was cold and a horrible blackness stained the lips, he
felt sure.
Brother Jasper could not believe in the resurrection of the dead. And
the soul--what did they mean by the soul?
IV
Then a great loneliness came over him; the hours of his life seemed
endless, and there was no one in whom he could find comfort. The prior
had given him a ray of hope, but he was gone, and now Jasper was alone
in the world.... And beyond? Oh! how could one be certain? It was awful
this perpetual doubt, recurring more strongly than ever. Men had
believed so long. Think of all the beautiful churches that had been made
in the honour of God, and the pictures. Think of the works that had
been done for his love, the martyrs who had cheerfully given up their
lives. It seemed impossible that it should be all for nothing. But--but
Jasper could not believe. And he cried out to the soul of the prior,
resting in heaven, to come to him and help him. Surely, if he really
were alive again, he would not let the poor monk whom he had loved
linger in this terrible uncertainty. Jasper redoubled his prayers; for
hours he remained on his knees, imploring God to send him light.... But
no light came, and exhausted Brother Jasper sank into despair.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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