‘No, he did not come and make love to me. If he had done that at once, and had really begun to make love to me, as so many others had tried to do, I should have smiled, as I always did, and brushed him away at once, as such creatures always can be brushed away by the women who do not want them. But it all grew so gradually that I did not know what was coming. I really was blind for a long time. I swear to you that until he came to West Wall, quite unexpectedly, he had never spoken a word of love to me. There was something--something deep down in my heart. I thought it was gratitude to him for his kindness, his services, his perfect delicacy during a very miserable illness of my husband’s when we were on the Riviera, before we came to England in the early spring. ‘I should have loved him, I think, and should have confessed it to myself, if he had never said anything, just because it would have been much more respectful and chivalrous than the conduct of those other creatures who think a miserable woman can cure her misery, and wishes to do so, in their society.... But that did not last long. I don’t know how it came about in the end, only I found that he did love me, though he had been so long without saying anything about it. I wasn’t shocked--somehow, I was not even surprised, but the horror of it was that, instead of being utterly contemptuous, as I always had been before, I was glad: heaven seemed opened to me. ‘It went on--of course it was easy for it to go on, after it had once begun; and insensibly I began to think, not that it was impossible, but to ask myself why there should be anything wrong in it--why I should not have done with all that--and go away with him, as he wanted me to, and travel with him, and share his life, and know some happiness, and feel what it is to live, before I should have grown too old to care about anything. What is the use of telling lies about such things? Besides, I never could tell lies, either to myself or to anyone else. I knew that it was impossible to be more unhappy and dissatisfied and hungry for everything I could not get than I was then, living an exemplary life, doing my duty and earning the respect of all who knew me. What was their respect to me? I am sure I did not care anything about it. As for resignation, that is utterly unnatural, and even wrong, for anyone in my position. But I need not tell you all I thought. It would take hours, and do no good, and not explain anything, after all. The more I argued with myself, the more convinced I grew that there would be nothing wrong in reversing the picture, and trying what going away and leaving my duty undone might bring for me.