Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. II
General
Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. II
Parodies
The great legal luminary said his client acknowledged having
written the letter.
Mr. Justice Manifest said this was one more instance of the
manly and straightforward manner in which the case for the
defendant was being carried on.
The plaintiff said he had given the defendant an opening to
withdraw his statements in presence of the defendant’s fa….
Mr. Justice Manifest (interrupting): “I must beg you not to
mention eminent people in no way connected with the case.”
The plaintiff apologised and continued: The defendant
refused either to withdraw or substantiate his charges.
Mr. Justice Manifest: Quite right too. (Loud cheering.)
The plaintiff next called witnesses to speak to his
character and disprove the charges contained in the letter
which the defendant acknowledged having written, and refused
to withdraw.
The Rev. Lord Bishop of ―――― was sworn, and in answer to
questions said he had known the plaintiff from a boy, and
that he had always borne the highest character.
Several other reverend gentlemen, of whose congregations the
plaintiff had at various times been a prominent member, were
called, and deposed to the same effect――namely, that he was
a man against whom there had never been a breath of even
ordinary scandal. Also that he was of a most edifying piety.
Plaintiff: Would it have been possible that such facts as my
having murdered my wife, embezzled money, been a convicted
felon, &c., could have remained unknown to you during the
time I was a member of your congregations?
The Reverend Gentlemen; “Quite impossible.” Plaintiff then
produced evidence that the period during which he had sat
under the various reverend gentlemen extended over his whole
life, from the age of eighteen to the present day.
Mr. Justice Manifest asked the great legal luminary if he
did not wish to cross-examine the witnesses.――Great legal
luminary: “No, my lord, I have no questions to ask.”
Mr. Justice Manifest thanked him for so considerately saving
the time of the court.
The plaintiff next called witnesses to prove that he had
only been once married, that he had lived in great peace and
harmony with his late wife, that she had died a natural
death, that he had sincerely mourned her, that he had always
supported his daughter honourably, and as well as his small
means would allow.
The great legal luminary scornfully refused to cross-examine
any of the witnesses.
The plaintiff then declared his case closed.
Mr. Justice Manifest: And high time too.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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