Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three actsShiels, George
General
Professor Tim & Paul Twyning : $b Comedies in three acts
Shiels, George
Comedy plays; English drama -- Irish authors
PAUL. You could probably swear me clean out of court, Dan; but you
can’t swear your way through an engagement-ring.
DAN [_loudly_]. Flames to the traitor! [_Goes in and bangs the
door._]
DEEGAN. Paul Twyning, be careful. A ring?
PAUL. A ring, your honour. He put it on her finger and kissed her
before I could run out and stop him.
DEEGAN. Are you prepared to swear to that?
PAUL. I couldn’t do otherwise, your honour, and keep the conscience
right.
DEEGAN [_drops into the chair_]. Then Denis M’Gothigan has got a case
against me at last!
PAUL. I’ll leave you alone now with your grief, master. I’m glad I’d
the courage to do my duty.
DEEGAN. Thank you.
PAUL [_knocks at room door_]. May I come in, Dan?
DAN [_inside_]. Flames to the traitor!
_PAUL goes in._
DEEGAN [_stands up_]. This has decided me. If Daisy Mullan can give
me proof of her financial position, I’ll make the match before I
sleep....
_DAISY MULLAN comes in back. She is an oldish, noisy,
over-dressed person, with horn-rimmed glasses, much cheap
jewellery, and a conspicuous vanity-bag._
DAISY. Ogee, Mr. Deegan, what do you blamed well think? I let you
come away without getting your advice on several business propositions.
First thing, I wanna ask you about the Irish banking system. Is the
Irish banks safe, Mr. Deegan?
DEEGAN. Our leading banks are perfectly safe.
DAISY. And you think they’d give a gel a square deal if she was
having her money crossed over from the States to this country, do you,
Mr. Deegan?
DEEGAN. Not the least doubt of it.
DAISY. Then I’d wanna know the best gamut for collecting my rents and
having ’em remitted, in case I should buy me a shack and settle down
around here for a spell. Whatcha know about that, Mr. Deegan?
DEEGAN. That could easily be arranged later.
DAISY. Say, Mr. Deegan, you’ve sure taken a mighty weight off my
shoulders. But ain’t it too blamed bad, my racing after you like this
and blistering you with my troubles, ain’t it?
DEEGAN. No trouble, Miss Mullan, where you are concerned.
DAISY. By gosh, ain’t that just lovely! Say, Mr. Deegan, I guess it
ain’t the first time you’ve jollied a gel, sure not. [_Throws her eye
round the house._] So this is your noo house, is it? And a blamed swell
building to look at, you bet. Large, airy, and commodious. Health to
enjoy it, my friend.
DEEGAN. Thank you kindly. It’s still in a raw state, or I would take
you through it. The plasterer is still working in the room....
DAISY. Oh, that Dublin feller, eh? He’s a good mechanic, ain’t he?
M’auntie’s going to have him plaster a bedroom.
DEEGAN. Paul Twyning may have other faults, but he’s a good
tradesman.
DAISY. Hits the liquor, do he?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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