Satiro-Mastix; or, the Vntrussing of the Humorous PoetDekker, Thomas
General
Satiro-Mastix; or, the Vntrussing of the Humorous Poet
Dekker, Thomas
Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637
_Tucca._ Right little _Twinckler_, right: hee sayes because thou
speak’st no better, thou canst not keepe a good tongue in thy head.
_Sir Vaug._ By God tis the best tongue, I can buy for loue or |1920|
money.
_Tuc._ He shootes at thee too Adam Bell, and his arrowes stickes heere;
he calles thee bald-pate.
_Sir Vaugh._ Oundes make him prooue these intollerabilities.
_Tuc._ And askes who shall carry the vineger-bottle? & then he |1925|
rimes too’t, and sayes Prickshaft: nay Miniuer hee cromples thy Cap
too; and----
_Cri._ Come Tucca, come, no more; the man’s wel knowne, thou needst not
paint him, whom does he not wrong?
_Tuc._ Mary himselfe, the vglie Pope Boniface, pardons himselfe, |1930|
and therefore my iudgement is, that presently he bee had from hence to
his place of execution, and there bee Stab’d, Stab’d, Stab’d.
_He stabs at him._
_Hor._ Oh gentlemen, I am slaine, oh slaue art hyr’d to murder me, to
murder me, to murder me?
|1935| _Ladies._ Oh God!
_Sir Vaugh._ Ounds Capten, you haue put all Poetrie to the dint of
sword, blow winde about him: Ladies for our Lordes sake you that haue
smocks, teare off peeces, to shoote through his oundes: Is he dead and
buried? is he? pull his nose, pinch, rub, |1940| rub, rub, rub.
_Tu._ If he be not dead, looke heere; I ha the Stab and pippin for him:
if I had kil’d him, I could ha pleas’d the great foole with an Apple.
_Cris._ How now? be well good Horace, heer’s no wound;
|1945| Y’are slaine by your owne feares; how dost thou man?
Come, put thy heart into his place againe;
Thy out-side’s neither peir’st, nor In-side slaine.
_Sir Vau._ I am glad M. Horace, to see you walking.
_Ho._ Gentlemen, I am blacke and blewe the breadth of a groate.
|1950| _Tuc._ Breadth of a groate? there’s a teston, hide thy
infirmities, my scuruy Lazarus; doe, hide it, least it prooue a scab in
time: hang thee desperation, hang thee, thou knowst I cannot be sharpe
set against thee: looke, feele (my light-vptailes all) feele my weapon.
|1955| _Mi._ O most pittifull as blunt as my great thumbe.
_Sir Vau._ By Sesu, as blunt as a Welsh bag-pudding.
_Tuc._ As blunt as the top of Poules; tis not like thy Aloe, Cicatrine
tongue, bitter: no, tis no stabber, but like thy goodly and glorious
nose, blunt, blunt, blunt: dost roare bulchin? dost |1960| roare? th’
ast a good rounciuall voice to cry Lanthorne & Candlelight.
_Sir Va._ Two vrds Horace about your eares: how chance it passes, that
you bid God boygh to an honest trade of building Symneys, and laying
downe Brickes, for a worse handicraftnes, |1965| to make nothing but
railes; your Muse leanes vpon nothing but filthy rotten railes, such as
stand on Poules head, how chance?
_Hor._ Sir Vaughan.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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