(At this juncture I may mention That this erudition sham Is but classical pretension, The result of steady “cram.”: Periphrastic methods spurning, To my readers all discerning I admit this show of learning Is the fruit of steady “cram.”!) In the period Socratic every dining-room was Attic (Which suggests an architecture of a topsy-turvy kind), There they’d satisfy their twist on a _recherché_ cold _ἄριστον_, Which is what they called their lunch—and so may you, if you’re inclined. As they gradually got on, they’d _πρέπεσθαι πρὸς τὸν πότον_ (Which is Attic for a steady and a conscientious drink). But they mixed their wine with water—which I’m sure they didn’t oughter— And we Anglo-Saxons know a trick worth two of that, I think! Then came rather risky dances (under certain circumstances) Which would shock that worthy gentleman, the Licenser of Plays, Corybantian mani_ac_ kick—Dionysiac or Bacchic— And the Dithyrambic revels of those indecorous days. (And perhaps I’d better mention Lest alarming you I am, That it isn’t our intention To perform a Dithyramb— It displays a lot of stocking, Which is always very shocking, And of course I’m only mocking At the prevalence of “cram.”) Yes, on reconsideration, there are customs of that nation Which are not in strict accordance with the habits of our day, And when I come to codify, their rules I mean to modify, Or Mrs. Grundy, p’r’aps, may have a word or two to say: For they hadn’t macintoshes or umbrellas or goloshes— And a shower with their dresses must have played the very deuce, And it must have been unpleasing when they caught a fit of sneezing, For, it seems, of pocket-handkerchiefs they didn’t know the use. They wore little underclothing—scarcely anything—or no-thing— And their dress of Coan silk was quite transparent in design— Well, in fact, in summer weather, something like the “altogether.” And it’s _there_, I rather fancy, I shall have to draw the line! (And again I wish to mention That this erudition sham Is but classical pretension, The result of steady “cram.” Yet my classic love aggressive, If you’ll pardon the possessive, Is exceedingly impressive When you’re passing an exam.) THE PRACTICAL JOKER