Circus -- Fiction; Maine -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Villages -- Fiction
“I know what I’m talkin’ about,” persisted Badger. “I want to make my
will.”
“There’s no reason why you shouldn’t,” the Squire replied, and he pulled
a long sheet of paper from the drawer.
“I allus like to know prices before I buy. What will sech a dockyment
cost me?”
Sumner Badger was known widely as the “closest figgerer” in Palermo. He
often boasted that he had never been extravagant in his life except once
when he bought five cents’ worth of peppermint-drops for a girl. He was
young then, he said.
“She set and et the whole mess right down, one after the other,” he
frequently related, “and that fixed me with _her_. I wouldn’t have no
sech extravagance as that in a wife and so she lost her chance. I went
and got me a woman that knowed how to make things spend for what they
was wuth.” And on their little farm, denying themselves everything
except the barest necessities, the couple had amassed their little
competence.
The Squire eyed the old man’s sun-faded clothes and his knotted hands
and his seamed, gaunt face, yellow with bile, and he pitied this
slave who had half-starved himself, in the midst of his herds and his
harvests.
“Poor old gaffer, you’ve sold your cream all along and drunk the skim
milk,” he reflected--“a life ordeal worse than Tantalus went through,
for Tantalus couldn’t reach what he was hungry for, and all you have had
to do was to stick out your hand and dip into bounty.”
He looked long at Badger, his shrewd eyes twinkling with the humour that
replaced his momentary pity. Then he answered the old man’s question.
“I’m willing to be reasonable, Sum. Now, what would you say was a fair
price for drawing a will?”
“Lawyers’ money comes dretful easy,” growled Badger. “’Tain’t like
diggin’ it out of a farm.” He pondered, screwing up his eyes and
calculating. “I should say if you’d draw up one that couldn’t be busted
I’d be willin’ to pay a shillin’.” He made a move to draw his wallet,
but the lawyer put up his hand.
“I’ll tell you what I’ll do with you, Sum. If you’ll carry home to-day
a good big piece of steak and eat it with your wife--lots of butter on
it--I’ll draw your will for nothing.”
Badger surveyed him dubiously and with sullen suspicion.
“We don’t go much on meat vittles to our house--not with beef prices
stuck ’way up where they be.”
“That’s my price. And it’s got to be sirloin, not round.”
The lawyer saw by the expression on Badger’s face that he had
anticipated the old man’s prompt thought as to quality.
“Steak’s steak, ain’t it?” he muttered. “I never heard of payin’ a
lawyer’s bill in no sech fashion, but”--he sighed--“I’ll do it.”
“And aren’t you going to thank me into the bargain?” demanded the
Squire. “I usually get five dollars, at least, for a document of this
sort.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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