After the train started, the men began to read newspapers, one of them
holding his in such a way that the edge of it cut into Stern's neck,
chafing it as he turned the pages. Stern wanted to turn around and ask
the man to hold it another way, but he was sure the man would rise and
make a speech to the other passengers about Stern, unveiling him as
a Jewish newcomer to the train, editor of sin-town stories. He would
first warm up the audience, getting laughs from some obvious but folksy
remarks, and then deliver his denunciatory speech with confidence and
authority, as though he were speaking to a board. He would then turn
the floor over to Stern, who would begin a sophisticated anecdote, get
confused, and finally slink down wordlessly in his seat, the sin-town
editing charge unrefuted, while other gentiles in their seats applauded
derisively and shouted, "Hear, hear; fine speech." He made irritated
shrugs with his neck, hoping the man would get the idea, but the paper
edge remained against his neck. Stern finally wheeled around, but when
his eyes caught the other man's unblinking gaze, he looked upward, as
though his intention had been to examine the car ceiling.
A conductor around the same age as the two men came and stood next to
them, swaying in the aisle, and one of them said to the other, "He's
sure got the racket, don't he?" The second one howled and said, "Betcha
he's got a little snort in his pocket for you if you ask him," and
then both rocked with laughter as the conductor shook his head in mock
exasperation and said, "You guys are great kidders."
It was stuffy in the train, and Stern could not get his window open.
He opened his belt all the way, as though to give the ulcer more room
and comfort, but it seemed to swell and spread out, as though it would
occupy any amount of space it was given. Stern felt uncomfortable and
remembered suddenly that Fabiola had told him always to be on the
lookout for a black coffee-grounds substance if he should have occasion
to vomit. This thought, combined with the stuffiness and the paper in
his neck, nauseated him; he was hemmed in by a small lady who glittered
blindingly with jeweled ornaments. "I think I've got to get out of here
and vomit," he said to her, getting up and making his way past her
knees. "Why didn't you think of it before?" she said, shifting herself
in annoyance. "You're halfway there." Stern got out into the aisle ant
asked the conductor, "Which way to vomit?" The conductor considered
the question a long time, then shook his head and began to walk to one
end of the car. The two men stuck their heads in their newspapers, as
though Stern had violated his twentieth rule since the trip began and
was past all comment. He followed the conductor to the platform between
cars. The conductor pointed to a corner of the tiny platform and said,
"Vomiting's done in there on newspapers. I'll get passengers out the
other way."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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