Christian women saints -- Fiction; Christianity, Conversion to -- Fiction; Courtesans -- Fiction; Egypt -- Fiction; Hermits -- Fiction
And his mind was still perturbed. Thirty days he remained in that
condition of sadness which precedes the sore trials of a solitary monk.
The image of Thais never left him day or night. He did not try to banish
it, because he still thought it came from God, and was the image of a
saint. But one morning she visited him in a dream, her hair crowned with
violets, and her very gentleness seemed so formidable, that he uttered a
cry of fright, and woke in an icy sweat. His eyes were still heavy with
sleep, when he felt a moist warm breath on his face. A little jackal,
its two paws placed on the side of the bed, was panting its stinking
breath in his face, and grinning at him.
Paphnutius was greatly astonished, and it seemed to him as though a
tower had given way under his feet. And, in fact, he had fallen, for his
self-confidence had gone. For some time he was incapable of thought
and when he did recover himself, his meditations only increased his
perplexity.
“It is one of two things,” he said to himself; “either this vision, like
the preceding ones, came from God, and was a good vision, and it is my
natural perversity which has misrepresented it, as wine turns sour in
a dirty cup. I have, by my unworthiness, changed instruction into
reproach, of which this diabolical jackal immediately took advantage.
Or else this vision came, not from God, but, on the contrary, from the
devil, and was evil. In that case I should doubt whether the former ones
had, as I thought, a celestial origin. I am therefore incapable of that
discernment which is necessary for the ascetic. In either case it is
plain that God is no longer with me,--of which I feel the effects,
though I cannot explain the cause.”
He reasoned in this way, and anxiously asked--
“Just God, what trials dost Thou appoint for Thy servants if the
apparitions of Thy saints are a danger for them? Give me to discern, by
an intelligible sign, that which comes from Thee, and that which comes
from the other.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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