What expectation of happiness had she here? She was accustomed at
the Ship to have everything about her neat and in good order. The
mere look round that she had given to the room, the principal room
of the house she had entered, showed how ramshackle it was. To
some minds it is essential that there should be propriety, as
essential as that the food they consume should be wholesome, the
water they drink should be pure. They can no more accommodate
themselves to disorder than they can to running on hands and feet
like apes.
It was quite true that this house would be given up to Mehetabel
to do with it what she liked. But would her husband care to have
it other than it was? Would he not resent her attempts to alter
everything?
And for what purpose would she strive and toil if he disapproved of
her changes?
She had no confidence that in temper, in character, in mind, he and
she would agree, or agree to differ. She knew that he was grasping
after money, that he commended no man, but had a disparaging word
for every one, and envy of all who were prosperous. She had seen
in him no sign of generosity of feeling, no spark of honor. No
positive evil was said of him; if he were inclined to drink he was
not a drunkard; if he stirred up strife in himself he was not
quarrelsome. He over-reached in a bargain, but never did anything
actually dishonest. He was not credited with any lightness in his
moral conduct towards any village maid. That he was frugal, keen
witted, was about all the good that was said, and that could be
said of him. If he had won no one's love hitherto, was it likely
that there was anything lovable in him? Would he secure the
affections of his wife?
Thoughts rose and fell, tossed and broke in Mehetabel's brain; her
tears fell freely, and as she was alone in the house she was able
to sob without restraint.
Jonas had chained up Tartar, and the dog was howling. The pig
grunted impatiently. A rat raced across the floor. Cockroaches came
out in the darkness and stirred, making a strange rustling like
the pattering of fine rain.
Mehetabel could hear the voice of her husband in the yard. He was
thrusting the cart under a roof. He would be in the house shortly,
and she did not wish that he should find her in tears, that he
should learn how weak, how hopeless she was.
She put her hand into her pocket for a kerchief, and drew forth
one, with which she staunched the flow from her eyes, and dried
her cheeks. She put her knuckle to her lips to stay their quivering.
Then, when she had recovered some composure, she drew a long sigh
and replaced the sodden kerchief in her pocket.
At that moment she started, sprang to her feet, searched her pocket
in the darkness with tremulous alarm, with sickness at her heart.
Then, not finding what she wanted, she stooped and groped along
the floor, and found nothing save the flakes of fallen whitewash.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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