Why have I girt myself with this hell-dress? Why have I labored to put out my life? Is it not in my nature to adore, And e'en for all my reason do I not Feel him, and thank him, and pray to him--now? Can I forego the trust that he loves me? Do I not feel a love which only ONE... O thou pale form, so dimly seen, deep-eyed! I have denied thee calmly--do I not Pant when I read of thy consummate power. And burn to see thy calm pure truths out-flash The brightest gleams of earth's philosophy? Do I not shake to hear aught question thee? If I am erring save me, madden me, Take from me powers and pleasures, let me die Ages, so I see thee! I am knit round As with a charm by sin and lust and pride. Yet though my wandering dreams have seen all shapes Of strange delight, oft have I stood by thee-- Have I been keeping lonely watch with thee In the damp night by weeping Olivet, Or leaning on thy bosom, proudly less, Or dying with thee on the lonely cross, Or witnessing thine outburst from the tomb. A mortal, sin's familiar friend, doth here Avow that he will give all earth's reward, But to believe and humbly teach the faith, In suffering and poverty and shame, Only believing he is not unloved. And now, my Pauline, I am thine forever! I feel the spirit which has buoyed me up Desert me, and old shades are gathering fast; Yet while the last light waits, I would say much, This chiefly, it is gain that I have said Somewhat of love I ever felt for thee But seldom told; our hearts so beat together That speech seemed mockery; but when dark hours come, And joy departs, and thou, sweet, deem'st it strange A sorrow moves me, thou canst not remove, Look on this lay I dedicate to thee, Which through thee I began, which thus I end, Collecting the last gleams to strive to tell How I am thine, and more than ever now That I sink fast: yet though I deeplier sink, No less song proves one word has brought me bliss, Another still may win bliss surely back. Thou knowest, dear, I could not think all calm, For fancies followed thought and bore me off, And left all indistinct; ere one was caught Another glanced; so, dazzled by my wealth, I knew not which to leave nor which to choose, For all so floated, naught was fixed and firm. And then thou said'st a perfect bard was one Who chronicled the stages of all life, And so thou bad'st me shadow this first stage. 'T is done, and even now I recognize The shift, the change from last to past--discern Faintly how life is truth and truth is good. And why thou must be mine is, that e'en now In the dim hush of night, that I have done, Despite the sad forebodings, love looks through-- Whispers,--E'en at the last I have her still, With her delicious eyes as clear as heaven