The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Volume 07Rousseau, Jean-Jacques
Philosophy
The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Volume 07
Rousseau, Jean-Jacques
Authors, French -- 18th century -- Biography; Rousseau, Jean-Jacques, 1712-1778
But, at the moment in which I was ready to faint upon a bosom, which for
the first time seemed to suffer the impression of the hand and lips of a
man, I perceived she had a withered 'teton'. I struck my forehead: I
examined, and thought I perceived this teton was not formed like the
other. I immediately began to consider how it was possible to have such
a defect, and persuaded of its proceeding from some great natural vice, I
was clearly convinced, that, instead of the most charming person of whom
I could form to myself an idea, I had in my arms a species of a monster,
the refuse of nature, of men and of love. I carried my stupidity so far
as to speak to her of the discovery I had made. She, at first, took what
I said jocosely; and in her frolicsome humor, did and said things which
made me die of love. But perceiving an inquietude I could not conceal,
she at length reddened, adjusted her dress, raised herself up, and
without saying a word, went and placed herself at a window. I attempted
to place myself by her side: she withdrew to a sofa, rose from it the
next moment, and fanning herself as she walked about the chamber, said to
me in a reserved and disdainful tone of voice, "Zanetto, 'lascia le
donne, a studia la matematica."--[Leave women and study mathematics.]
Before I took leave I requested her to appoint another rendezvous for the
next day, which she postponed for three days, adding, with a satirical
smile, that I must needs be in want of repose. I was very ill at ease
during the interval; my heart was full of her charms and graces; I felt
my extravagance, and reproached myself with it, regretting the loss of
the moments I had so ill employed, and which, had I chosen, I might have
rendered more agreeable than any in my whole life; waiting with the most
burning impatience for the moment in which I might repair the loss, and
yet, notwithstanding all my reasoning upon what I had discovered, anxious
to reconcile the perfections of this adorable girl with the indignity of
her situation. I ran, I flew to her apartment at the hour appointed. I
know not whether or not her ardor would have been more satisfied with
this visit, her pride at least would have been flattered by it, and I
already rejoiced at the idea of my convincing her, in every respect, that
I knew how to repair the wrongs I had done. She spared me this
justification. The gondolier whom I had sent to her apartment brought me
for answer that she had set off, the evening before, for Florence. If I
had not felt all the love I had for her person when this was in my
possession, I felt it in the most cruel manner on losing her. Amiable
and charming as she was in my eyes, I could not console myself for the
loss of her; but this I have never been able to do relative to the
contemptuous idea which at her departure she must have had of me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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