David left the window, but still he did not sit. For a while he walked
up and down restlessly, but at length came to a standstill between
Elizabeth and the fire. He was so close to her that she had only to put
out her hand and it would have touched his. He stood looking, now at the
miniatures on the wall, now at the fire which burned with a steady red
glow. He was half turned from Elizabeth, but she could see his face. It
was strained and thin. The flesh had fallen away, leaving the great
bones prominent.
It was Elizabeth who broke the silence, and she said what she had not
meant to say.
“David, are you better? Are you sleeping?”
“No,” he said shortly.
“And you won’t let me help?”
“I didn’t say so.”
“Did you think I didn’t know?” Elizabeth’s voice was very sad.
They had fallen suddenly upon an intimate note. It was a note that he
had never touched with Mary. That they should be talking like this
filled him with a dazed surprise. He as well as she was taking it for
granted that she had given him sleep, and could give him sleep again.
He gave himself a sudden shake.
“I’m going away,” he said in a harder voice.
There was a pause.
“I’m glad,” said Elizabeth, and then there was silence again.
This time it was David who spoke, and he spoke in the hot, insistent
tones of a man who argues a losing case.
“One can’t go on not sleeping. That is what I said to old Wyatt Byng
to-day.”
“Sir Wyatt Byng?” said Elizabeth quickly.
“Yes—I saw him. Skeffington would have me see him, but what’s the use?
He swears I shall sleep, if I take the stuff he’s given me—the latest
French fad—but I don’t sleep. I seem to have lost the way—and one can’t
go on.”
He paused, and then said frowning:
“It’s so odd——”
“Odd?”
“Yes—so odd—sleep. Such an odd thing. It was so easy once. Now it’s so
difficult that it can’t be done. Why? No one knows. No one knows what
sleep is——”
His voice trailed away. He was strung like a wire that is ready to snap,
and on the borders of consciousness, just out of sight, something
waited; he turned his head sharply, as if the thing he dreaded might be
there—behind him—in the shadow.
Instead, he saw Elizabeth in a golden light like a halo. It swam before
his tired eyes, a glow with a rainbow edge. Out of the heart of it she
looked at him with serious, tender eyes.
Beyond, in the gloom, there lurked such a horror as made him catch his
breath, and here at his side—in this room, peace, safety, and
sleep—sleep, the one thing in heaven or earth desired and desirable.
A sort of shudder passed over him, and he repeated his own last words in
a low, altered voice.
“One _can’t_ go on. Something must give way. Sometimes I feel as if it
might give now—at any moment. Then there’s madness—when one can’t sleep.
Am I going mad, Elizabeth?”
Elizabeth caught his hand and held it. He was so near that the impulse
carried her away. Her clasp was strong, warm, and vital.
“No, my dear, no,” she said.
Then with a catch in her voice:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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