The Gem CollectorWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Gem Collector
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories; Jewel thieves -- Fiction
"Dat's right. Dey had a scrap in de dark, each finking de odder was
after de jools, an' not knowin' dey was bote sleut's, an' now one of
dem's bin an' taken de odder off, an' locked him in de cellar."
"What on earth do you mean?"
Spike giggled at the recollection.
"Listen, Mr. Chames, it's dis way. I'm in de dressin' room, chasin'
around wit' dis lantern here for de jool box"--he produced from his
other pocket a small bicycle lamp--"and just as I gets a line on it,
gee! I hears a footstep comin' down de passage straight for de door.
Was to de bad? Dat's right. Gee, I says to m'self, here's one of de
sleut' guys what's bin an' got wise to me, and he's comin' in to put
de grip on me. So I gets up, an' I blows out de lantern, and I stands
dere in de dark, waitin' for him to come in. And den I'm going to get
busy before he can see who I am, and jolt him one on de point, and
den, while he's down and out, chase meself for de soivants' hall."
"Yes?" said Jimmy.
"Well, dis guy, he gets to de door, and opens it, and I'm just goin'
to butt in, when dere suddenly jumps out from de room on de odder side
de passage anodder guy, and gets de rapid strangleholt on dis foist
mug. Say, wouldn't dat make you wonder was you on your feet or your
coco?"
"Go on. What happened, then?"
"Dey begins to scrap good and hard in de dark. Dey couldn't see me,
and I couldn't see dem, but I could hear dem bumpin' about an'
sluggin' each odder, all right, all right. And by an' by one of dem
puts de odder to de bad, so dat he goes down and takes de count; an'
den I hears a click. And I know what dat is. One of de guys has put de
irons on de odder guy. Den I hears him strike a light--I'd turned de
switch what lights up de passage before I got into de room--and den he
says, 'Ah', he says, 'got youse, have I? Not the boid I expected, but
you'll do.' I knew his voice. It was dat mug what calls himself
Galer."
"I suppose I'm the bird he expected," said Jimmy. "Well?"
"De odder mug was too busy catchin' up wit' his breat' to shoot it
back swift, but after he's bin doin' de deep breathin' stunt for a
while, he says, 'You mutt', he says, 'youse to de bad. You've made a
break, you have.' He put it different, but dat's what he meant. Den he
says that he's a sleut', too. Does de Galer mug give him de glad eye?
Not on your life. He says dat dat's de woist tale that's ever bin
handed to him. De odder mug says, 'I'm Sir Tummas' vally', he says.
'Aw, cut it out', says Galer. 'Sure youse ain't Sir Tummas himself?'
'Show me to him', says de foist guy, 'den you'll see.' 'Not on your
life', says Galer. 'What! Butt in among de swells what's enjoyin'
themselves and spoil deir evenin' by showin' dem a face like yours? To
de woods! It's youse for de coal cellar, me man, and we'll see what
youse has got to say afterward. G'wan!' And off dey went. And I lit me
lantern again, got de jools, and chased meself here."
Jimmy stretched out his hand.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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