The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
After the first shock of astonishment, Sam Marlowe had listened to his
father’s harangue with a growing indignation which, towards the end of
the speech, had assumed proportions of a cold fury. If there is one
thing the which your high-spirited young man resents, it is being the
toy of Fate. He chafes at the idea that Fate had got it all mapped out
for him. Fate, thought Sam, had constructed a cheap, mushy,
sentimental, five-reel film scenario, and without consulting him had
had the cool cheek to cast him for one of the puppets. He seemed to see
Fate as a thin female with a soppy expression and pince-nez, sniffing a
little as she worked the thing out. He could picture her glutinous
satisfaction as she re-read her scenario and gloated over its sure-fire
qualities. There was not a flaw in the construction. It started off
splendidly with a romantic meeting, had ’em guessing half-way through
when the hero and heroine quarrelled and parted—apparently for ever,
and now the stage was all set for the reconciliation and the slow
fade-out on the embrace. To bring this last scene about, Fate had had
to permit herself a slight coincidence, but she did not jib at that.
What we call coincidences are merely the occasions when Fate gets stuck
in a plot and has to invent the next situation in a hurry.
Sam Marlowe felt sulky and defiant. This girl had treated him
shamefully and he wanted to have nothing more to do with her. If he had
had his wish, he would never have met her again. Fate, in her
interfering way, had forced this meeting on him and was now
complacently looking to him to behave in a suitable manner. Well, he
would show her! In a few seconds now, Billie and he would be meeting.
He would be distant and polite. He would be cold and aloof. He would
chill her to the bone, and rip a hole in the scenario six feet wide.
The door opened, and the room became full of Bennetts and Mortimers.
§ 2
Billie, looking, as Marlowe could not but admit, particularly pretty,
headed the procession. Following her came a large red-faced man whose
buttons seemed to creak beneath the strain of their duties. After him
trotted a small, thin, pale, semi-bald individual who wore glasses and
carried his nose raised and puckered as though some faintly unpleasant
smell were troubling his nostrils. The fourth member of the party was
dear old Bream.
There was a confused noise of mutual greetings and introductions, and
then Bream got a good sight of Sam and napped forward with his right
wing outstretched.
“Why, hello!” said Bream.
“How are you, Mortimer?” said Sam coldly.
“What, do you know my son?” exclaimed Sir Mallaby.
“Came over in the boat together,” said Bream.
“Capital!” said Sir Mallaby. “Old friends, eh? Miss Bennett,” he turned
to Billie, who had been staring wide-eyed at her late fiancé, “let me
present my son, Sam. Sam, this is Miss Bennett.”
“How do you do?” said Sam.
“How do you do?” said Billie.
“Bennett, you’ve never met my son, I think?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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