"The bottom seems to be dropped right out of everything, mother. Of what
use is it to try to do right when there isn't any likelihood of a future
and no personal God and no Redeemer, and no standard for conduct? The
doctor said we could not depend upon Christ's own statements about his
own resurrection. How then can we trust Him for any statement He made
about Himself? The fellows here in Burrton who have money to spend and
do about as they please, the fast set that drinks and carouses and
gambles and gives the chorus girls wine suppers seems to be pretty
happy. They don't worry over the matter of sin or moral responsibility
or going to church or getting serious over the condition of the heathen
or the wrongs of the world, or the 'high calling' you are so fond of
calling my attention to. And why should I be any different from them?
Mother, does it pay to be religious? It seems to me religious people are
always sober, dull people, always talking reform and disagreeable things
and never having much fun. But I want you to help me, mother, no one
else can, if you can't. I don't seem to be able to pray any. Why should
I pray, if there isn't any super-human, nothing but a force somewhere? I
am just groping in the dark and it's awful dark. And I don't know a soul
here to help me any. Bauer--well--I never said a word to him on
religious matters. I don't know whether he is a Catholic or what he is.
And I don't know any minister in Burrton well enough to go to him. And
the teachers here don't care about the students' religious life, or if
they do I never saw any signs of it, at least not enough to show where
to go now.
"Mother, I can't tell you how I feel over all this. But I'm just about
down and out. If what Dr. Powers said is true, it seems to me we are
living in an awful world. It isn't the world you and father believe in
or you taught me to believe in, and I can't understand it. Oh, mother,
help me, won't you, if you can! WALTER."
Now his letter reached Mrs. Douglas on the anniversary of her marriage.
She was planning as she always did to make the day bright for Paul, had
invited her brothers, Walter and Louis, and was going to make it a great
family gathering.
The boy's letter smote her heart as nothing in all his experience had
ever troubled her. She managed to get through the evening without
betraying her feeling, but when her brothers had gone home, and Helen
and Louis had retired, she showed the letter to Paul.
He read it and then looked up at Esther.
"You are the one to help him through this," he said. "You are the only
person who can do it right now. But you are tired with all the events of
the day. Hadn't you better wait until to-morrow?"
"No," Esther said positively. "He is waiting. When a soul is drifting
down like his, it is a case of rescue."
"Dear," said Paul, quietly, "I don't have any fears for him. He has too
good a mother to make a wreck of his religion."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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