Read Plato; embryos of idealism. I recalled two subjects which were very good: 1) A wife’s deception of her passionate, jealous husband; his suffering, his struggle and the enjoyment of forgiveness, and 2) A description of the oppression of the serfs and later the very same kind of oppression by land property, or rather by being deprived of it. Just now Goldenweiser[152] played. One thing--a fantasy fugue:[153] an artificiality; studied, cold, pretentious; another--“Bigarrure” by Arensky;[154] sensual, artificial; and a third--a ballad by Chopin; sickly, nervous, not one or the other or the third can be of any use to the people. The devil who has been sent to me is still with me, and tortures me. _November 23. Moscow. If I live._ _To-day November 25. Moscow._ Am very weak. My stomach isn’t working. I am trying to write on art--but it doesn’t go. One thing is good; have found myself, my heart.... A letter from Zanini with an offer of 31,500 francs.[155] Tischenko, a good novel on poverty.[156] It is now past two, am going for a walk. _To-day November 27. Moscow._ Very weak, poor in all respects. And feel as if I had only just now awakened. Have been thinking: 1) We are all in this life--workers placed at the work of saving our souls. It can be compared to keeping up the fire given from heaven and lighted on the hearth of my body. My work lies in this, to keep up and feed this fire in myself (not to spend the material of this fire as I have done lately, except in burning it) and not to think how and what gets lighted from this fire. It is not a difficult matter to thresh with several flails, but to keep in order, not to get confused (and not only to thresh, but not to interfere with the others), one has only to remember oneself, one’s own tempo while beating. But as soon as you have begun to think of others, to look at them, you get confused. The same thing happens in life. Remember only yourself, your own work--and this work is one: to love, to enlarge love in yourself--not to think of others, of the consequences of your labour and the work of life will go on fruitfully, joyously. Just as soon as you begin to think of that which you are producing, about the results of your labour, just as soon as you begin to modify it in accordance with its results--your work becomes confused and ceases, and there comes the consciousness of the vanity of life. The master of life gave to each one of us separately such a labour, that the fulfilment of that labour is the most fruitful work. And He himself will use and guide this work, give it a place and a meaning. But as soon as I try to find and fix a place for it, and in accordance with this, to modify it then I become confused, see the vanity of labour and I despair. My task is to work and He already knows for what it is needed and will make use of it. “Man walks, God leads.” And the work is one; to enlarge love in oneself.