The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies — John Shaqi
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
The hostess rose, misunderstanding her husband's optical signals, and
fished out a knife and fork from the recesses of a chiffonier. The
host first heaped his own plate high with artistically coloured
potatoes and stiff meat--less from discourtesy than from life-long
habit--then divided the remainder in unequal portions between Manasseh
and the little woman, in rough correspondence with their sizes.
Finally, he handed Yankelé the empty dish.
"You see there is nothing left," he said simply. "We didn't even
expect one visitor."
"First come, first served," observed Manasseh, with his sphinx-like
expression, as he fell-to.
Yankelé sat frozen, staring blankly at the dish, his brain as empty.
He had lost.
Such a dinner was a hollow mockery--like the dish. He could not expect
Manasseh to accept it, quibbled he ever so cunningly. He sat for a
minute or two as in a dream, the music of knife and fork ringing
mockingly in his ears, his hungry palate moistened by the delicious
savour. Then he shook off his stupor, and all his being was
desperately astrain, questing for an idea. Manasseh discoursed with
his host on neo-Hebrew literature.
"We thought of starting a journal at Grodno," said the Rabbi, "only
the funds--"
"Be you den a native of Grodno?" interrupted Yankelé.
"Yes, I was born there," mumbled the Rabbi, "but I left there twenty
years ago." His mouth was full, and he did not cease to ply the
cutlery.
"Ah!" said Yankelé enthusiastically, "den you must be de famous
preacher everybody speaks of. I do not remember you myself, for I vas
a boy, but dey say ve haven't got no such preachers nowaday."
"In Grodno my husband kept a brandy shop," put in the hostess.
There was a bad quarter of a minute of silence. To Yankelé's relief,
the Rabbi ended it by observing, "Yes, but doubtless the gentleman
(you will excuse me calling you that, sir, I don't know your real
name) alluded to my fame as a boy-Maggid. At the age of five I
preached to audiences of many hundreds, and my manipulation of texts,
my demonstrations that they did not mean what they said, drew tears
even from octogenarians familiar with the Torah from their earliest
infancy. It was said there never was such a wonder-child since Ben
Sira."
"But why did you give it up?" enquired Manasseh.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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