English essays -- 20th century; Natural history -- Outdoor books
“She had died,” he muttered. “Little sweet Louise had pined away
and become ill. One day she got wet through and developed rapid
consumption. She was only eighteen--a child. They said it was
consumption, but I knew better. _I_ killed her. I, the self-flaunted
idealist, my eyes brimming for humanity, had neglected every one
around me. I only realised it then. She had known it all the while,
because love was a far holier and greater thing to her than it was to
me. I thought because I had wanted to pour out my heart’s blood at her
feet that therefore my love was not selfish, but real, divine! Ah, what
did I know about love! I went to the churchyard and saw the mounded
grave with a simple stone at the head, and it seemed to me that she was
near, wearing the print frock and standing among the buttercups that
reflected a gold vapour about her, her eyes dark with a shadow. The
maiden eyes, the eyes soft with love, and yet so sad, regarded me, and
so sharp was the impression of her standing there that I could hear her
pleading, ‘Julien, for my sake now, Julien!’ In the churchyard I stood
alone, looking at her, while in an orchard near the blossom was shaken
by the fluttering of goldfinches. Spring was in the hearts of the wild
birds I loved, but my heart was dead. What was there left? To recreate
that love and cruelty, and write out of my sorrow and folly! Greater
than all written art is life and happiness: a simple living with a
beloved and the joy of children’s young voices. By the grassy mound I
stayed with the shadows. My heart was broken, the more irretrievably
because I had broken it myself. Remorse, remorse!”
Memory ceased. Again the dry whisper of the leaf overbore the wintry
solitude and song-silence in that little wood in Whitefoot Lane, where
the bark of the trees was stripped, and all undergrowth was trampled
down. The green woodpeckers would laugh no more in spring: only a few
poor wind-flowers and bluebells would tell of past loveliness. The pale
visitant was gone, and with no sound of footfall.
The leaf spun insistently as the wind passed wearily onwards, and
beside me the long green grasses held their drops of light-laden water,
nor was there any mark as of feet having pressed there, nor any trail
leading away.
With a vague mournfulness I turned and went along the miry path to
the roadway, where a tattered fence gaped forlornly. The land would
be sold, the trees cut down, and useful houses erected. Perhaps the
spirit of the dead haunted that wilderness of torn branches and charred
fire-circles, to find rest only where all was changed. Never again
would I go back among those poor trees, where in the cruel days of
youth sweet hopes had been crushed like a wood-anemone under careless
and unknowing feet.
PROSERPINE’S MESSAGE
(_Written during the spring-like days of October, 1921, when the
prolonged drought had been broken by the rains following the
equinoctial gales._)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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