“A secret without a confidant is a mortal illness,” he had said, and he
had listened to all my vagaries, without appearing to perceive my
madness; sometimes he had seemed to share it, sometimes he had
skillfully suggested doubts that had won me over to his way of thinking.
I had come to think, a greater part of the time, that were it not for
the inexplicable fact of the ring, my imagination alone was responsible
for all my fantastic adventures.
I found in M. d’Aillane all the superiority of heart and mind that his
children had spoken of. He evinced a sympathy for me, to which I
responded with all my soul.
We separated as late as possible. As for myself, when twelve o’clock
struck and Madame d’Ionis gave the signal for a general good evening, I
experienced a sensation of grief as if I had fallen from delicious
dreams into sombre reality. I had for so long a time reversed the order
of life, regarding it as a dream, and dreams as waking, that the dread
of being again alone was actually a terrible shock, and thoroughly
unnerved me.
I certainly did not as yet wish to admit that I could love another; but
it was certain that without thinking myself in love with Mademoiselle
d’Aillane, I had an extraordinarily friendly feeling for her. I had
observed her very carefully when she was not addressing me, and the more
familiar I grew with her beauty, which was of an uncommon order, the
more I was assured that I again experienced the same sensations awakened
by the adorable phantom; only this was a gentler fascination and
imparted a wonderful sense of spiritual bliss. That clear countenance
inspired absolute confidence and a sentiment of tranquil ardor
resembling faith.
Bernard, who had no more idea of going to sleep than myself, talked with
me until two o’clock in the morning. We had lodged in the same room, no
longer “_la chambre aux dames_” nor even the one where I had been ill,
but a pretty apartment decorated in the style of Boucher, with the
rosiest and gayest of designs. There had been no more question of the
green ladies than if we had never heard them mentioned. While Bernard
was talking to me about his dear Caroline, he asked me what opinion I
had formed of his dear Félicie. At first I did not know how to answer
him. I feared to say too much or too little. I evaded the question by
asking him, in my turn, why he had spoken to me so little of her.
“Is it possible,” I said, “that you like her less than she likes you?”
“I would be a strange animal,” he replied, “if I did not adore my
sister. But you were so taken up with certain ideas, that you would not
even have listened to my praises of her. And then, situated as we were
at that time, my sister and myself, it would not have looked very well
for me to appear as if I were proposing her to you.”
“And how could you have had the appearance of doing me such an honor.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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