The Prince and BettyWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Prince and Betty
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
Betty sat down, and began to think. So she was really earning her own
living! It was a stimulating thought. She felt a little bewildered. She
had imagined something so different. Mrs. Oakley had certainly said
that _Peaceful Moments_ was a small paper, but despite that, her
imagination had conjured up visions of bustle and activity, and a
peremptory, overdriven editor, snapping out words of command. Smith,
with his careful speech and general air of calm detachment from the
noisy side of life, created an atmosphere of restfulness. If this was a
sample of life in the office, she thought, the paper had been well
named. She felt soothed and almost happy.
Interesting and exciting things, New York things, began to happen at
once. To her, meditating, there entered Pugsy Maloney, the guardian of
the gate of this shrine of Peace, a nonchalant youth of about fifteen,
with a freckled, mask-like face, the expression of which never varied,
bearing in his arms a cat. The cat was struggling violently, but he
appeared quite unconscious of it. Its existence did not seem to occur
to him.
"Say!" said Pugsy.
Betty was fond of cats.
"Oh, don't hurt her!" she cried anxiously.
Master Maloney eyed the cat as if he were seeing it for the first time.
"I wasn't hoitin' her," he said, without emotion. "Dere was two fresh
kids in the street sickin' a dawg on to her. And I comes up and says,
'G'wan! What do youse t'ink youse doin', fussin' de poor dumb animal?'
An' one of de guys, he says, 'G'wan! Who do youse t'ink youse is?' An'
I says, 'I'm de guy what's goin' to swat youse on de coco, smarty, if
youse don't quit fussin' de poor dumb animal.' So wit' dat he makes a
break at swattin' me one, but I swats him one, an' I swats de odder
feller one, an' den I swats dem bote some more, an' I gits de kitty,
an' I brings her in here, cos I t'inks maybe youse'll look after her. I
can't be boddered myself. Cats is foolishness."
And, having finished this Homeric narrative, Master Maloney fixed an
expressionless eye on the ceiling, and was silent.
"How splendid of you, Pugsy!" cried Betty. "She might have been killed,
poor thing."
"She had it pretty fierce," admitted Master Maloney, gazing
dispassionately at the rescued animal, which had escaped from his
clutch and taken up a strong position on an upper shelf of the
bookcase.
"Will you go out and get her some milk, Pugsy? She's probably starving.
Here's a quarter. Will you keep the change?"
"Sure thing," assented Master Maloney.
He strolled slowly out, while Betty, mounting a chair, proceeded to
chirrup and snap her fingers in the effort to establish the foundations
of an _entente cordiale_ with the cat.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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