The Pursuit of the House-Boat: Being Some Further Account of the Divers Doings of the Associated Shades, under the Leadership of Sherlock Holmes, Esq.Bangs, John Kendrick
Science
The Pursuit of the House-Boat: Being Some Further Account of the Divers Doings of the Associated Shades, under the Leadership of Sherlock Holmes, Esq.
Bangs, John Kendrick
Doyle, Arthur Conan, 1859-1930 -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Fantasy fiction; Holmes, Sherlock (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
"Well, it was this way," said Kidd. "When, in response to our polite
request for supper, the ladies said there was nothing to eat on board,
something had to be done, for we were all as hungry as bears, and we
decided to go ashore at the first port and provision. Unfortunately the
crew got restive, and when this floating frying-pan loomed into view, to
keep them good-natured we decided to land and see if we could beg, borrow,
or steal some supplies. We had to. Observations taken with the sextant
showed that there was no port within five hundred miles; the island looked
as if it might be inhabited at least by goats, and ashore we went, every
man of us, leaving the House-boat safely anchored in the harbor. At first
we didn't mind the heat, and we hunted and hunted and hunted; but after
three or four hours I began to notice that three of my sailors were
shrivelling up, and Conrad began to act as if he were daft. Hawkins burst
right before my eyes. Then Abeuchapeta got prismatic around the eyes and
began to fade, and I noticed a slight iridescence about myself; and as for
Morgan, he had the misfortune to lie down to take a nap in the sun, and
when he waked up, his whole right side had evaporated. Then we saw what
the trouble was. We'd struck this lava island, and were gradually
succumbing to its intense heat. We rushed madly back to the harbor to
embark; and our ship, gentlemen, and your House-boat, was slowly but
surely disappearing over the horizon, and flying from the flag-staff at
the fore were signals of farewell, with an unfeeling P.S. below to this
effect: '_Don't wait up for us. We may not be back until late._'"
There was a pause, during which Socrates laughed quietly to himself, while
Abeuchapeta and the one-sided Morgan wept silently.
"That, gentlemen of the Associated Shades, is all I know of the
whereabouts of the House-boat," continued Captain Kidd. "I have no doubt
that the ladies practised a deception, to our discomfiture, and I must say
that I think it was exceedingly clever--granting that it was desirable to
be rid of us, which I don't, for we meant well by them, and they would
have enjoyed themselves."
"But," cried Hamlet, "may they not now be in peril? They cannot navigate
that ship."
"They got her out of the harbor all right," said Kidd. "And I judged from
the figure at the helm that Mrs. Noah had taken charge. What kind of a
seaman she is I don't know."
"Almighty bad," ejaculated Shem, turning pale. "It was she who ran us
ashore on Ararat."
"Well, wasn't that what you wanted?" queried Munchausen.
"What we wanted!" cried Shem. "Well, I guess not. You don't want your
yacht stranded on a mountain-top, do you? She was a dead loss there,
whereas if mother hadn't been in such a hurry to get ashore, we could have
waited a month and landed on the seaboard."
"You might have turned her into a summer hotel," suggested Munchausen.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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