But a tale of more than common humour was told of the old church at Hove, near Brighton, many years ago. It seems that this ancient building had been greatly injured by fire in the middle of the seventeenth century, but that the population was so small and so little disposed to increase that a mere patching up of the ruins was sufficient for local needs. Moreover, the spiritual needs of the place were considered to be so small that Hove and Preston parishes were ecclesiastically united, and were served by one clergyman, who conducted service at each parish church on alternate Sundays. At a later period, indeed, Hove church was used only once in six weeks. But in the alternate Sunday period the smugglers of this then lonely shore found the half-ruined church of Hove peculiarly useful for their trade; hence the following story. One “Hove Sunday” the vicar, duly robed, appeared here to take the duty, and found, greatly to his surprise, that no bell was ringing to call the faithful to worship. “Why is the bell not ringing?” demanded the vicar. “Preston Sunday, sir,” returned the sexton shortly. “No, no,” replied the vicar. “Indeed, then, sir, ’tis.” But the vicar was not to be argued out of his own plain conviction that he had taken Preston last Sunday, and desired the sexton to start the bell-ringing at once. “’Taint no good, then, sir,” said the sexton, beaten back into his last ditch of defence; “you can’t preach to-day.” [Picture: The Drummer of Herstmonceux] “_Can’t_, fellow?” angrily responded the vicar; “what do you mean by ‘can’t’?” “Well, then, sir,” said the sexton, “if you must know, the church is full of tubs, and the pulpit’s full of tea.” An especially impudent smuggling incident was reported from Hove on Sunday, October 16th, 1819, in the following words: “A suspected smuggling boat being seen off Hove by some of the custom-house officers, they, with two of the crew of the _Hound_ revenue cutter, gave chase in a galley. On coming up with the boat their suspicions were confirmed, and they at once boarded her; but while intent on securing their prize, nine of the smugglers leapt into the _Hound’s_ galley and escaped. Landing at Hove, seven of them got away at once, two being taken prisoners by some officers who were waiting for them. Upon this a large company of smugglers assembled, at once commenced a desperate attack upon the officers, and, having overpowered them, assaulted them with stones and large sticks, knocked them down, and cut the belts of the chief officer’s arms, which they took away, and thereby enabled the two prisoners to escape.” A reward of £200 was offered, but without result. The cargo of the smugglers consisted of 225 tubs of gin, 52 tubs of brandy, and one bag of tobacco.