“Don’t you understand it yet? It cannot be. God does not wish it. Listen now and try to understand. I was here to dinner and saw their grief over your faithlessness. I went to Borg to bring you back to Ferdinand. But I have always been a good-for-nothing, and will never be anything else. I betrayed him, and kept you for myself. There is an old woman here who believes that I shall become a man. I betrayed her. And another poor old thing will freeze and starve here for the sake of dying among friends, but I was ready to let the wicked Sintram take her home. You were beautiful, and sin is sweet. It is so easy to tempt Gösta Berling. Oh, what a miserable wretch I am! I know how they love their home, all those in there, but I was ready just now to leave it to be pillaged. I forgot everything for your sake, you were so sweet in your love. But now, Anna, now since I have seen their joy, I will not keep you; no, I will not. You could have made a man of me, but I may not keep you. Oh, my beloved! He there above mocks at our desires. We must bow under His chastising hand. Tell me that you from this day will take up your burden! All of them rely upon you. Say that you will stay with them and be their prop and help! If you love me, if you will lighten my deep sorrow, promise me this! My beloved, is your heart so great that you can conquer yourself, and smile in doing it?” She accepted the renunciation in a sort of ecstasy. “I shall do as you wish,—sacrifice myself and smile.” “And not hate my poor friends?” She smiled sadly. “As long as I love you, I shall love them.” “Now for the first time I know what you are. It is hard to leave you.” “Farewell, Gösta! Go, and God be with you! My love shall not tempt you to sin.” She turned to go in. He followed her. “Will you soon forget me?” “Go, Gösta! We are only human.” He threw himself down in the sledge, but then she came back again. “Do you not think of the wolves?” “Just of them I am thinking, but they have done their work. From me they have nothing more to get this night.” Once more he stretched his arms towards her, but Don Juan became impatient and set off. He did not take the reins. He sat backwards and looked after her. Then he leaned against the seat and wept despairingly. “I have possessed happiness and driven her from me; I myself drove her from me. Why did I not keep her?” Ah, Gösta Berling, strongest and weakest of men! CHAPTER V LA CACHUCHA War-horse! war-horse! Old friend, who now stand tethered in the pasture, do you remember your youth? Do you remember the day of the battle? You sprang forward, as if you had been borne on wings, your mane fluttered about you like waving flames, on your black haunches shone drops of blood and frothy foam. In harness of gold you bounded forward; the ground thundered under you. You trembled with joy. Ah, how beautiful you were!