PODB. The deuce she didn't! Did she tell you Ruskin's ideas about courtship being a probation, and ask you if you were ready to be under vow for her, by any chance? CULCH. This is too bad, Podbury! you must have been there, or you couldn't possibly know! PODB. Much obliged, I'm sure. I don't listen behind doors, as a general thing. I suppose, now, she set you a trial of some kind, to prove your mettle, eh? [_With another chuckle._ CULCH. (_furiously_). Take care--or I may tell you more than you bargain for! PODB. Go on--never mind _me_. Bless you, _I'm_ under vow for her too, my dear boy. Fact! CULCH. That's impossible, and I can prove it. The service she demanded was, that I should leave Constance at once--with you. Do you understand--with _you_, Podbury! PODB. (_with a prolonged whistle_). My aunt! CULCH. (_severely_). You may invoke every female relative you possess in the world, but it won't alter the fact, and that alone ought to convince you---- PODB. Hold on a bit. Wait till you've heard _my_ penance. She told me to cart _you_ off. _Now_, then! CULCH. (_faintly_). If I thought she'd been trifling with us both like that, I'd never---- PODB. She's no end of a clever girl, you know. And, after all, she may only have wanted time to make up her mind. CULCH. (_violently_). I tell you _what_ she is--she's a cold-blooded pedantic prig, and a systematic flirt! I loathe and detest a prig, but a flirt I despise--yes, _despise_, Podbury! PODB. (_with only apparent irrelevance_). The same to you, and many of 'em, old chap! Hullo, we're going to stop at this inn. Let's get out and stretch our legs and have some coffee. [_They do; on returning, they find the_ ITALIAN GENTLEMAN _smiling blandly at them from inside the coupe._ THE IT. G. Goodaby, dear frens, a riverderla! I success at your chairs. I vish you a pleasure's delay! PODB. But I say, look here, Sir, we're going on, and you've got our place! THE IT. G. Sank you verri moch. I 'ope so. [_He blows_ PODBURY _a kiss._ PODB. (_with intense disgust_). How on earth are we going to get that beggar out? Set the Conductor at him, Culchard, do--you can talk the lingo best! CULCH. (_who has had enough of_ PODBURY _for the present_). Talk to him yourself, my dear fellow, _I_'m not going to make a row. [_He gets in._ PODB. (_to_ CONDUCTOR). Hi! sprechen sie Franzoesisch, oder was? _il-y-a quelque chose dans mon siege, dites-lui de_--what the deuce is the French for "clear out"? COND. _Montez, Monsieur, nous bartons, montez vite alors!_ [_He thrusts_ PODBURY, _protesting vainly, into the interieur, with two peasants, a priest, and the elderly Englishwoman. The diligence starts again._ CHAPTER XIII. On revient Toujours! SCENE--_A hundred yards or so from the top of Monte Generoso, above Lake Lugano._ CULCHARD, _who, with a crowd of other excursionists, has made the ascent by rail, is toiling up the steep and very slippery slope to the summit._